Yesterday I had the most wonderful time at a writer’s group. I was productive, ate great quiche, met other writers, and enjoyed being with other people who spend all day writing or thinking about writing.

Best of all, after working, we took turns reading some of what we’d written: two memoirs, a poem, a YA novel, and my nonfiction. And then we all commented on each other’s work.

This is where my warm fuzzies went a little cold.

How do you feel about criticism? Even criticism you have asked for?

One particular point they made stung for a while. It made me realize, first, how out of practice I am at taking constructive criticism. They pointed out a distracting detail in the story that starts my last chapter. At first, I couldn’t even understand what they were saying, and flashed back to the early stages of my book’s reading committee — 10 brave people who volunteered to read my book by email, chapter by chapter. When I saw the committee’s edits, I thought I’d sent files around for 10 different books, none of them the one I wrote. What were they talking about?

Criticism Insight #1: It’s all about them.

People read their own stuff into your stuff. When they criticize you, it has everything to do with them. The trick is, if you are writing for a broad audience, you do have to write flexibly enough to handle all their stuff, too. So while it’s good to remember that they are talking about their side of the fence, not yours, it’s also important to listen to what they have to say.

Criticism Insight #2: We tend to notice criticism over praise.

When I got home and reread my notes, their constructive ideas finally made sense. I made the edit. Then I remembered they also gave me great compliments: “I like how the book talks about healing in such a positive light.” “I like to hear your enthusiasm.” “That is a great story!”

I received that.

Criticism Insight #3: Even when you’re brilliant, people can complain about something.

Then I started thinking… If I brought a page of Faulkner, Hemingway, Twain, or Joyce to a writer’s group, read it and asked for critiques, I would get them! One of the readings we heard was so good, all I could find was one word that confused me. But I did find something. In fact, I feel bad that I did not emphasize how brilliant it was.

If you ask for critique, you get critique, even on masterful writing. Art is not set in stone. There are no right answers. Everyone would do it a little differently. Writers are notorious for changing (and changing and changing) their own work. Of course you can critique the masters — people earn PhDs doing so, but those writers are still masters for a reason.

Criticism insight #4: With practice, you can get a lot out of constructive criticism.

You asked for it, you got it. And you asked because you wanted to make your art better. Let go, listen, and have fun with it. See what others have to say. (Nobody said you had to take their criticisms, after all. One particular member of my committee clearly didn’t understand the kind of book I was writing, so most of their comments were inappropriate, and I moved on.) Constructive criticism is a resource for better art, for you, and for healing yourself, too, when you look at what catches you or ignites strong emotions.

All told, I cannot wait to back to the next writer’s brunch! What are you doing to take your art and healing to the next level?

© 2012 Daria Boissonnas

As a healer, I often meet others who are weirded out about their intuitive gifts. I get desperate emails from strangers asking what to do because they see double numbers on the clock all the time, or feel other people’s emotions, or know what people are about to say, or know what will happen later (and it does). Some see faces in windows or sense what they think are ghosts or spirits. They dream about things that come true.

Worse, they report feeling  frightened by these psychic happenings. They say their family has started to think they’re weird. They “freak out” their friends. And they have nobody to talk to about it.

If you feel the same way, here is what you can do.

1. Accept It with Gratitude

One, we all are naturally psychic, so the first thing is to accept this gift. Intuition is a perfectly normal part of who you are. Humans are not bags of chemicals and bones walking around on timers. We are energy beings, and only the slowest part of us is made of physical energy. Those other parts of your consciousness are connected to everything around you on nonphysical energy levels: to other people and their energies (including thoughts), to the timeline (forward and back), to residual energies people leave behind, etc.

Your energy body inputs a LOT of information that many humans typically ignore. If you are intuitive, you are simply allowing this information to float into your thinking mind. Wow, congratulations! That’s not easy to do.

Now stop whining and start refining. Yes, you are hearing your intuition more clearly, and that’s great. Feel the gratitude! You are connected with the Universe in a deeper way. Become a loving observer and see what your intuition has to say to you. Once, I heard my jacket say “take me with you” to walk to a restaurant on a warm sunny day. I thought it was silly, but did it because I was practicing listening to my intuition. Inside, the air conditioning made the place freezing, and having the jacket allowed me to enjoy lunch. Thank you, intuition.

2. Find Out: How Can This Information Be of Service?

Ask yourself this: how can you use this occasional (or frequent) additional information in your journey? I once had the (weirdest) strongest feeling I was driving to my death, so I postponed my nighttime winter trip to the light of early morning, and still almost wiped out on black ice at one point. I’m very glad I listened to myself.

Intuition can be used helpfully at home or at your job, in analytical tasks, raising your kids, grocery shopping, volunteering, making choices, advising friends, and in your own business to know which clients to accept and turn away, or how you can best help them.

Yes, sometimes you get random information that you just let go of. But ask yourself these questions to start using your intuition: If this were a gift, what would be its purpose? How can I tell the difference between thoughts and intuitive hits?

3. Connect with Kindred Spirits

Support yourself and your divine gift of intuition. Hang out with people who are also intuitive and believe in the importance of it.

Then look at who exactly is “freaking out” about your psychic abilities. Often, we project our own discomfort onto others, or they pick it up from us and send it back. If you were perfectly accepting about your intuition, as if this kind of thing happened every day and is normal, would they be? Or perhaps you need to shift who you hang out with… Sometimes, as we grow into who we really are, our friends change.

Your most important task on life’s spiritual journey is to know and accept yourself as you are. This is the only way you can fully discover your divine gifts and use them, which in my opinion is the whole point of this crazy game.  By hanging out with people who accept you, you can grow to fully accept yourself.

You are a swan. Stop playing with the ducklings and stretch your own beautiful, intuitive wings.

© 2012 Daria Boissonnas

When you have a fight or other painful event in a relationship, how do you get back on track?

Many folks would say forgiveness.

I agree — that is a great place to start! However, I’m going to step out on a limb here so you can give your forgiveness practice more power. Forgiveness is not, as many believe, the entire healing process. It is the first step.

But it is an extremely important first step that allows the rest of healing to happen.

This came up for me recently, a little too close to home, when someone I love took dramatic offense and hurt at something I said with all good intentions. They were done with me; I was devastated. Several days later, a friend brilliantly and lovingly asked me, “What else do you need from this situation in order to heal?”

Great question! You can’t go anywhere if you don’t know where you want to go! It’s so easy to get stuck in the emotions of a crisis without looking for the healing solution.

I went within. I… I wanted to be forgiven. Even though I had technically done nothing wrong, they were genuinely hurting. I wanted this person to say, “That’s OK dear, I understand, things like this happen sometimes, I’ll get over it, I forgive you.”

The Power of Forgiveness Is Disconnection

When we are stressed by a negative event, our energy and consciousness freezes. It locks us into the event(s), which is now in the past. Even today, many of us are locked to painful events from earlier in your life. (Some vividly, as if it happened yesterday. Is there anything left from your upbringing that can rile you up upon thinking of it?)

When you maintain connections to the past, you must power those connections with your energy and consciousness. They are distractions and energy drains. You struggle where there could be ease. You feel adrift, confused, or vaguely dissatisfied with life when you tend these old wounds. It is as if you are carrying them around in a massive backpack, bending under their weight.

This I know: the heart of healing is connection. It is connection to that which sustains and nourishes, and disconnection from that which drains and demoralizes.

Forgiveness is a letting go, a healthy disconnection of your energy and consciousness from the painful experience. It is a release of blame and the need to receive anything back. Forgiveness turns you around, from being stuck in the past, attached to what happened, to facing forward again, being present in today, and moving forward into healing.

Sometimes, it’s easy to get over an offense. Hey, things happen and we can move on. But in situations where stress, outrage, shock, hurt, and other emotions have firmly attached us to that original fight or event, forgiveness is golden. It initiates the healing process.

But What If They Won’t Forgive You?

What do you do when you are the transgressor — intentional and repenting, or unintentional — and the person you hurt will not forgive you? What do you when the other person is refusing to reconcile?

You heal. You step beyond this situation, by disconnecting yourself. And the #1 rule about healing is this: you have all the resources you need at all times.

The way energy works, the only way you can experience or perceive someone not forgiving you is if, in some way, you have not fully forgiven yourself. This you must do. As soon and as much as you can.

Surprisingly, and wonderfully, when you forgive yourself — when you disconnect from that event and the pain around it — you make it much easier for the person you hurt to do so, too.

Now THAT is healing. (You healer, you!)

You are not dependent on other things or people for your happiness and spiritual journey. Any thought that says otherwise is Resistance. You can find everything in the world within you, including forgiveness.

I know this spiritual principle, but I’m human and I had gotten caught up in my emotions and forgotten. When I remembered that no forgiveness on the outside means no forgiveness on the inside, I knew it was 100% right. I was devastated and shocked, and had not forgiven myself in the uproar.

Forgive Yourself and Free Yourself to Heal

After a nice meditation of self-forgiveness (“I choose to forgive myself, I choose to let this go, I hand this situation over to God for resolution, I choose to forgive them for not forgiving me,” etc etc), I felt less upset. You may choose to take a physical action of forgiveness, too, like a donation to a relevant charity or sharing your newfound wisdom with someone.

I will repeat this meditation a few times. Connections of energy and consciousness are a bit insidious. Once built, they tend to resonate with similar connections and entwine themselves where they don’t  belong. To truly forgive and fully let go, it helps to repeat your forgiveness exercises and touch on the situation from a variety of angles. You might want to get help from a healer or counselor.

Once you have forgiven yourself, you will be able to freely look at the situation and see what you reacted emotionally to and do some healing (eliminating or rewriting patterns) around those issues. Sometimes this stage is so easy, once we let go/forgive, that we assume forgiveness was all that was necessary. Hallelujah!

When I am done with my self-forgiveness, I will no longer need forgiveness from the other person. I have not abandoned them or the situation, but I will have completely let go of the source of the painful rift between us. It will be water under the bridge. And I will rest in that wonderful place of genuine spiritual independence, where others truly have no power over my happiness.

I pray for them to find this inner release, too.

© 2012 Daria Boissonnas

Have you struggled to forgive yourself? Do you have advice or a different perspective? Please share it in the comments below!

I’ve been searching hard for a good quote about being a strong role model for others. It’s an important role to play. Role models shine their light brightly to help those behind them find their way. They uplift and inspire.

As healers, we need to be great role models for our clients and fans. We must walk in the shoes of our divine Inner Healer. We must care for and support ourselves so we can create as much healing as possible in the world.

That means if you recommend nutritional support, you should take it yourself. If you offer an energy healing technique, you should receive that method of healing from other practitioners yourself. If you are a lawyer, you should have your own legal ducks in a row.

The odd thing is that I discovered many of the celebrities and thinkers we admire do not want to be called role models. Keeping in mind that these are unconfirmed quotes from those junky online quote sites, here is the sort of thing I’m finding. (Do not quote these without confirming their source, just get the gist and be amazed:)

“Making me into a role model is placing too much importance on what I see as a work in progress.” –British musician P. J. Harvey

“I’m no role model.” –American athlete Charles Barkley

“In the right situations, I can try to help and be a role model, but I’m still gonna speak my mind, and if that affects the role-model deal, then too bad.” –American musician Toby Keith

I get their point. They are not perfect and do not want to be held up as such.

But who is perfect?

We seem to have a mistaken idea that role models have to be perfect. I tell clients all the time that I share their struggles, flaws, and regular dips into the dark night of the soul. What I have developed over the years, however, are strategies for catching myself earlier and pulling myself out faster and faster. I’ve also developed practices and mindsets to keep myself from falling down as often or as hard. That is the value of the role model.

What we really admire in our role models is this: they are not perfect, but in some aspect they have developed ways of being that we wish to develop, too. Practical tools, tips, and tricks like this are what we want from our coaches and mentors and role models. Ultimately, and ideal role model knows their flaws and loves themself anyway. They be themselves, their brilliant, fun salves. That creates charisma. That’s what we crave in role models: permission to be ourselves.

If you are a leading person in your field, be comfortable with the fact that you are a role model. Own it. And live it. Be yourself. Do what you admire in others. Look up to yourself. People won’t be able to get enough of you.

If you would like to inspire others, we are here help you walk your path. Our membership program offers the spiritual development and practical action steps to get you where you want to go, faster and easier. Click here for more information.

“I don’t want to be perfect, but I do want to be a role model. My mom always tells me that imperfections equal beauty. All of us are imperfect.”  –American musician Miley Cyrus

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”  –American author Mark Twain

© 2012 Daria Boissonnas

This article series is about the many forms of human intuition. Do you know your strongest type?

To recap our intro article, intuition is a way you can receive information through the parts of your consciousness other than your physical body or rational, thinking mind.

Intuition is perfectly normal. Your job, my dear spiritual traveler, is to learn to recognize and decipher your intuition, and then use it to live a good life and help people.

Types of Intuition – 2. Clairaudience

Most flavors of intuition begin with the prefix “clair-”, French for “clear.” Not all are voluntary, able to be turned on and off, though you can get there with practice. In clairaudience, you receive information through what feels like a sense of hearing.

Sometimes, the information feels like it has actually been said aloud. Many clients and healers have told me of such events. They heard a profound and simple statement as if it was very clearly said aloud (except nobody was there or nobody else heard it). Those messages were deeply clarifying and became turning points in their spiritual journeys. This is one kind of clairaudient event.

Clairaudience can be subtle, too. When working with clients, I have heard clear messages for the client from his or her guides, higher wisdom, or dead relatives (can often tell who or describe them). It feels like I hear the entire phrase, as if it is being said to them. To me it does not feel like I’m hearing a physical sound. It often comes with emotions or the feeling of the consciousness that is “saying” it. So I pass these messages along as best I can. They are often super easy to forget, like waking from a dream and trying to tell someone what it was right away. For the client, the message is often profound. While random statements to me (tho often clerly loving), they are “wow” to the client, even to the point of tears.

You can think of clairaudience as a form of channeling, where the words of another consciousness come through you as if you are hearing them said. You are a conscious relay, shifting from your clairaudient higher consciousness down to the part of your consciousness that talks or writes. This type of channeling differs from claircognizance, which is like a brain dump: you know a lot of information in a deep way all at once.

Are You Clairaudient?

All right, I’ve had decades of practice as a psychic or empath, but I suspect many folks hear clairaudient messages and cannot tell them apart from our own thoughts. Instead, they assume this valuable guidance is just a random thought. That’s too bad when they brush off what could be a profoundly healing statement.

All the information you need in any situation is available to you. If your overtaxed thinking mind cannot figure it out, your higher guidance has an infinite number of alternatives. To create healing, we should always search with our hearts and higher consicousness for solutions beyond what the mere thinking mind can create.

To get better at recognizing how a clairaudient message feels different from random thoughts, simply listen. See if you can begin to feel the difference in how your thoughts feel. Pay special attention to statements or thoughts you hear in meditation, on nature walks, or during those wonderful times when our physical consciousness is just busy enough to let us drift into higher layers of consciousness: driving, showering, doing dishes or other routine physical tasks, for instance.

As with practicing any kind of intuition, you both need to hear it and get some feedback to test how accurate it is. Practice does not get you to Carnegie Hall — but practice with accurate feedback does. Keep a notebook handy and see how you do.

Yes, you are intuitive. All the information you need is available to you. How can you use your gifts to live a blissful life that benefits others?

Better Healing with Clairaudience

To listen is to pay attention to what you are hearing. Clairaudience goes beyond the physical ears and brain, however. It is an open state of receiving information.

If you are a healer or would like to create the permanent positive transformation that we call healing, then develop intuitive listening. Create a state of what feels like listening with your entire body and being. Then train your mind to receive it, bypassing the thinking mind’s habit of judging, measuring, categorizing, rationalizing, and rejecting. Enjoy the journey!

Next time:  clairemotional or empathic (not the same as empathetic).

What Next?

If you are looking for spiritual and intuitive development, consider a membership in GIA. Check out our benefits here: GIAwaken.com/benefits.

To ask Daria a question or share a comment, use the comment section below!

“Warrior am I and from the battle I emerge triumphant”

The Sun moves into Scorpio today at 2:30 pm. We now plunge into the one of the most intense, penetrating, deep times of the year. In Scorpio, we are all warriors and as such we all have the opportunity to wrestle with our stuff.

The energy of Scorpio carries a willingness to dive in and explore all the dark corners. There’s a look in the eyes of Scorpio warriors that says, “Yes, I WILL. I will emerge triumphant.” And this is the month we all get to have that look in our eyes. We all get to say, “I’m tired of this darkness. I insist on LIGHT.”

The wrestling is what’s interesting. It’s not an easy journey. There are tears, fears and inner turmoil. But each step–each TINY step–we take towards something brighter, lighter or better for us is a victory.

I just gathered 19 women for my Radiant Life Retreat about 10 days ago and I watched each woman breathe through her dark corners. Each woman embodied part of what I like to call ‘our wretchedness’ and got to see it transform into LOVE. Emerging triumphant is emerging with more potency, love or wisdom in our lives. It’s emerging more FREE.

I think we must wrestle with the chains that bind us in the name of FREEDOM. Our charts offer our Maps to Freedom and we must call on every tool available– every gift in the chart — to keep us on a path of liberation. Because if we are FREE, we are authentic, generous, vital and unencumbered. We are choosing our lives every moment.  We are offering ourselves without agenda or accounts. We are soaring inwardly and outwardly.

Here, however, we need a word about wrestling. There is wrestling that stays entangled and emeshed in the dark OR there is wrestling that keeps its eye on the light. As we wrestle, we must keep our hearts open and we must breathe as deeply as we can muster. We can fight using LIGHT at our sword. We can fight with the right word, the right touch, the right choice. We can be warriors — who though they may have cause to strike something dead — instead make the choice to kill with LOVE and liberate another being with that love. In Scorpio, we can set ourselves or others FREE with our ability to wield power well.

There are a few dates of note this month. On November 2nd, both Venus and Mercury move in Sagittarius taking all the depth and soul-searching of the last month and putting it in to action. There should be a surge of creative optimism and a willingness to dream big. Also, on November 10th, the planet Mars will move into the industrious and analytical sign of Virgo. Virgo and Scorpio together make for tenacious, rigorous work. Get into it and get it done.

May this month allow you to be your own alchemist taking all that is dead or lead in you and transforming it into the gold light of the soul. Or in brass tacks terms, let’s transform another small piece of the wretchedness in our lives and feel a little lighter, more generous and with more room to breathe in the beauty of our lives.

Heidi Rose Robbins grew up learning the zodiac with her alphabet, and has been a practicing astrologer for over 15 years. She has a practical, sensitive, and inspiring approach to astrology. It is Heidi’s passion and commitment to speak to the depth of who we are and to help us grow into the next outrageous blossoming of our true selves. Her thriving world-wide practice includes transformative retreats for women twice a year in Ojai, California. GIA is proud to have Heidi as a regular guest columnist.

Poem for Scorpio

The Sonnets to Orpheus, II, 29 — Ranier Maria Rilke (Mitchell Translation)

Silent friend of many distances, feel
how your breath enlarges all of space.
Let your presence ring out like a bell
into the night.  What feeds upon your face

grows mighty from the nourishment thus offered.
Move through transformation, out and in.
What is the deepest loss that you have suffered?
If drinking is bitter, change yourself to wine.

In this immeasurable darkness, be the power
that rounds your senses in their magic ring,
the sense of their mysterious encounter.

And if the earthly no longer knows your name,
whisper to the silent earth: I’m flowing.
To the flashing water say: I am.

~ Ranier Maria Rilke ~

Wish you had more Time, Money, Health, Love, Support, Meaning, or Utter Bliss in your life?

These things flow in increasing amounts when you step into your Highest Calling. 
It’s not scary.  It’s not difficult.  It’s just that sometimes our stories or misunderstandings about our Calling make it seem that way.

Know what you should know about your Calling.  Check out these 10 facts right now!

AUDIO LINK:  Click to listen, right-click to download     1:05:37

New Transformational Workshop Starts March 16:
Calling In Your Calling

When you’re ready to discover your Calling and remove doubt about what you are here to do, join us for our 4-part transformational workshop “Calling In Your Calling“, starting March 16th.

This isn’t a boring class full of information only – it’s a package of powerful and practical insights, a personal reading to discover your own Calling, a one-on-one mentoring session to start to implement it, AND the healing to break through what’s been holding you back.

Commit to your Calling today.  Take a step towards fulfilling it.

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This morning there were two young rabbits sitting on our front lawn straight out from the front door.  The kids watched them  a while.  They were fairly fearless, and didn't move far, wiggled their noses and watched the kids back.  After breakfast, three of them were sitting out there, in plain sight, watching us watching them.  Even when the babysitter arrived, they didn't go far and were soon right back there waiting outside the front door.  They'd been there more than an hour when I paused to say hi on my way to the computer.  I heard a high squeaky voice in my head say, "We came to see you," and I laughed to myself, thinking I was really imagining things now.  (I hear messages but never in a high squeaky voice!)

Then one of them, who seemed to be in charge, ran toward another, chased it around a little loop and when they stopped, facing me this time, I could see the other's left front leg was lame.  It was smaller than the right and he held it up across the other leg when sitting.  The three of them sat there looking right at me so, what can ya do, I raised my hands and let Reconnective Healing flow.  After about three minutes, the one in charge extracted one more hidden in the garden right by the house and the four of them ran off around back (their home is in the neighbor's yard behind us). 

How interesting was that!  My second nonhuman client in two days.  Yesterday I read about some trouble down the road in Lake Monona.  As I read I became aware of Reconnective Healing flowing from my hands, so I went with it, imagined Lake Monona and let the light and information flow into the water.  After a while I realized it was going to the fish in the lake.  I wonder if those fish are telling tales on me!

Did you know you can look up the meaning of animals you see, or think about their attributes and how that wisdom applies to your life?  Have you had any interesting encounters with the animal kingdom recently? 

AAAARGH!  I heard it again!  Three times in a week.  (Thanks for the comic relief, Universe.)  Not to bias you or anything, but it's one of the most useless comments I hear.  You might as well announce: "I don't understand spiritual evolution, I don't see how to get unstuck, I don't want to change, and I want to feel better about how miserable I am." 

I mean it's like if a sheep ate all the grass in a field down to the dirt and there was an even nicer field just over the stream, but they kept making up stories about why it was a bad idea to go over there.  "It's too far, too much work, I'd have to get wet, it would be boring to enjoy all that nice grass when I can scrounge in the dirt over here and half starve."  Meanwhile, they overgraze and trample what's left of their grass and make things even worse.

Oh, did I forget to tell you the statement?  It's this: "Perfection would be so BORING."  or "Enlightenment doesn't sound like much fun."

Want to know the secret to spiritual evolution?  It's like peeling an infinite onion.  When you climb the spiritual mountain you are on, it is yours forever.  Yet it never gets boring because beyond that is the next mountain, a little higher or steeper but if it is your path, then by definition you can do it.  The Universe never gives you more than you can handle.  (Which is not to say don't get help–that may be part of the journey.)  And when you step out of being defensive and resisting change, when you step into opening to abundance and having constant FUN with your life, then the Universe will show you things on those heights so wonderful you never could have imagined them. 

That's been my story anyway.  How about yours?