Was sitting up in bed this morning, listening to birdsong and enjoying the cool (ok, COLD — this is Wisconsin) breeze drifting in the windows…. ahhh…. when my cute little monkey mind noticed that my back hurt.

Very slightly. In one spot.

The pain had started in January and I’d finally done healing on it in May. My back has been recovering nicely since and doesn’t hurt anything like it used to. I’d slept wrong, though, woken up in the dark to find a tinge of the old pain from my odd arm position. I’d shifted my body and gone back to sleep.

And now as I sat, simply being, receiving birdsong and breeze, my mind noticed that my back felt slightly… off.

Next, my mind next remembered that my back had hurt there! And it had not been pleasant! Whoa!

To the mind, the memory of hurt is pretty much the same thing as the hurt itself, isn’t it? 

With this morsel of data, off my mind raced! A second later, it had dug up a related feeling of being punished.

“I hurt, therefore I’m being punished,” it insisted.

In my state of calm ease and peace, that thought seemed quite odd. Really? My back hurts because I’m being punished?

I let it go, like when the three-year-old announces that people are really cats in disguise. I simply observed my mind’s thought, neutrally suspended in the beauty of the morning.

Meanwhile, the mind decided to wake up the Curiosity Department. “Why do I think I’m being punished?” the CD wondered. And the CD sent little bundles of curiosity-consciousness out like ants to scour the landscape of my mind for crumbs.

“Because,” it announced a few seconds later, and quite proudly, “When I was little, the only time something hurt was when I was being punished.”

Hmm.

The mind is so cute, like a small child doing its best, adorably clumsy, simply due to its state of development. The mind can be especially entertaining when I am in a wordless place and can watch it run about busily comparing, contrasting, ranking, and reliving events from the past as if they were present.

It can be particularly irritating, however, when I am firmly ensconced in other thinking and judging parts of the mind itself, and cannot detach from these other thoughts.

But this morning, I patted my curiosity on the head and told it, “Nice connection. Good job.”

And I let it go, continuing to breathe birdsong and breeze for a short time before getting out of bed.

I don’t believe its idea, of course. What about all those bike wipeouts, the clumsy bumps, and the toe I jammed the day before 12th grade? Not punishment.

The trouble with the mind is that other parts of the mind like to believe the stories it comes up with. And that usually doesn’t lead anywhere useful.

When we practice a state of pure receiving, it becomes easier to stay neutral to the mind. Whether you call it meditation or listening or contemplation, the more we practice, the less the mind bothers us outside of practice, too. Then we can enjoy the mind’s machinations like we might watch busy squirrels play in the yard.

It is not possible to get rid of the mind. It is a layer of our human consciousness, and pretty handy for driving across town or figuring out how to change the batteries in your new electronic toy. But we can make peace with the mind, learn to recognize its favorite games, and practice stepping into a deeper form of consciousness in order to avoid the snares of monkey thought.

The delightful irony, of course, is that we must use our minds to develop this practice.

May you find ease in developing your practice.

© Daria Boissonnas 2013 All Rights Reserved. Please email us about reprint rights.

Share Your Wisdom

• Have you struggled with your monkey mind?
• What is your favorite method or practice to avoid getting caught up by the thinking mind and its stories?

Leave a reply, below!

This morning in church, the minister told the story of a young man who had found his absent father on facebook. (Or at least the man he believed was his father.)

Imagine years of pain, wondering where your father is and why he left. Not to mention, let’s admit it, our young minds would probably wonder what we had done wrong to send him away.

So the young man sent a message to the man he believed was his father.

No response.

Upset, the young man went out and did something stupid, on purpose. Something illegal (the minister did not mention what, but had spoken to the young man in jail), but, thankfully, something that did not hurt anyone.

We all sent prayers and healing to the young man. (You can, too.) May he find his way. May he find peace and love and self-acceptance and whatever he needs most.

Powering a Ghost Father

What stuck with me afterwards was this: How could you let someone have that much power over you? Especially someone who is not even there!

Though his father was nowhere to be seen, the young man created a father in his head, imagined what he would do, all the time reminding himself that this father was not there.

Then the young man allowed this imaginary father to haunt him.

Feeding your own consciousness into a thoughtform like this creates, in essence, a ghost. One you feed further, with your own energy… until it starts to feed on you.

• This ghost distracted the young man from living his own life.
• This ghost drove him to spend hours on the internet searching for his physical dad.
• And this ghost prevented the young man from noticing his own father-like qualities. (What was the young man searching for? Strength? Leadership? Courage? Appreciation? Love?)

He put so much power into this ghost that he incarcerated himself with these limiting thoughts — I must find my father, something is wrong with me because I don’t have a father, etc. He limited his own freedom.

Until the young man ended up in a physical jail cell, too.

How Much Power Do You Feed Your Ghost Father?

Granted, I don’t know what it was really like for him. I grew up with a responsible father at home.

But I have seen client after client losing energy because they are feeding ghost parents. These ghost parents still nag at them, belittle them, punish them, and worse.

I have definitely fed my own. My parents are in Arizona. But they used to sit on my shoulders and say the things they always said.

Not their fault. It’s something we do. We internalize our parents’ voices, opinions, etc.

And it is something we can stop doing.

Today.

(Find a healer or check out last year’s article for one way to do this.)

Many Fatherly Blessings to You

May you come to deep peace with your father.

May you arrive at a place where it doesn’t matter how he was or what he did or didn’t do.

May you lose any parasitic ghost father you’ve created and find infinite fatherness within yourself — all you need.

May you be complete in your fatherness. And a happy Father’s Day to you.

© Daria Boissonnas 2013 All Rights Reserved. Please email us about reprint rights.

Share Your Wisdom

• Have you suffered with an internalized parent nagging you or causing pain?
• How have you healed your father relationship? What was particularly useful to you? Leave a reply, below!

Two weeks ago, I valiantly attempted to cut through the tough leaf stem of a particularly large houseplant, using a mediumish pair of desk scissors. (It was handy.) Though still not sure how, I managed to pinch the pad of my right middle finger between the handles. Hard.

It made me dance.

Not in a good way.

The injury became a long thin angry blood-blister. Then it turned rusty and now it is slowly fading. At least it didn’t hurt much after I did healing on it for a few minutes. (After the dancing part.)

Looking at my widdew boo-boo this morning, I became amazed at the physical process of healing. Right there, in my body, was a powerful Life process. Even better, since life is fractal, it is one we can learn from and use in other areas, too.

You could say I had made a “mistake” that had hurt me (have you ever done that? lol), and immediately, my body started coping.

1. It rushed resources to the hurt area (blood, fluids). And there were plenty to go around. The finger swelled, it hurt, it turned RED. By doing this, my body patched things up — the blood blister became like a scab beneath my skin. Great temporary measures.

2. Then, over the next several days, it started to clean up the patch itself and get back to the ideal finger state. The swelling subsided, the scab faded. Some day soon, my fingerpad will be all clear and happy again.

What struck me as so amazing is the two-phase reaction: First, emergency fixing. Then, longer-term healing.

Isn’t life like that?

This process is why I congratulate clients for getting medical attention and recommend that yesofcourse, they continue to take their meds until their doc says they can taper off — that’s the temporary fix.

And there they are in my office seeking longer-term healing, to clear the underlying anomaly that triggered the illness or condition in the first place. That’s the healing part.

It’s a beautiful thing. And it works.

One, two. Fix, heal.

Share Your Wisdom

Where in your life have you experienced this one-two, fix-then-heal approach?

Did it work for you, or did you run into glitches?

(c) Daria Boissonnas 2013  All rights reserved.

‎”Pain is a part of life, but suffering is optional,” said the guest speaker at church a few Sundays ago now, a Zen Buddhist spiritual teacher.

Though I’ve heard it a zillion times, I love this saying. It reminds me that it is not life itself that is painful as much as my demands and assumptions about what happens (or should happen) that really makes me miserable. It’s not what happens but my grasping expectations and demands about how life should be that hurt.

We suffer when we hold on to our wouldas, shouldas, and couldas. We suffer when we grasp tightly to what used to be or what might have been. Our choices make the difference, and this quote says suffering is a choice we can make or not make (whether we choose mindfully or through unconscious habits of thought doesn’t really matter here).

Whatever happens, we can choose to heal. I love to be reminded of that!

But Wait, Isn’t Pain a Form of Suffering?

This morning while washing dishes, a new thought snuck into my mental landscape, however… It wondered, “Isn’t pain itself…well, inherently painful, a form in fact of suffering?” When I am in pain, I am miserable. It hurts, darnit. I am physically suffering! When I am depressed, I am suffering mental/emotional/spiritual pain. Ouchies! So isn’t pain the same as suffering?

But that thought seems to contradict what the quote says. If pain is a form of suffering, the first part of the quote implies that suffering is a part of life, while the second half says suffering is entirely optional, not necessarily a part of life — we do not have to suffer.

Ut oh. I have contradicted the quote I love.

Interestingly, since the first half of the quote says that pain is always a part of life, the quote implies that pain cannot be suffering.

Whoa. Though my theory is now that pain and suffering are one, the quote implies that they are two unrelated things.

Already I’m super curious as to how exactly one can experience pain without suffering, and I have only washed two dishes.

What Does No-Pain Feel Like?

In detaching, in letting go of the grasping that causes pain, does life then stop hurting? Does your bum knee start to feel great again? Does thinking of your dead loved one bring only a smile to your face, without tears and sadness? What would a life without pain (aka suffering) even look like?

That depends on what you think pain is. After pondering my experiences as an energy healer, it is easy to conclude that yes, in fact, pain ONLY arises from attachment, from hanging on to expectations, from demanding that the world be somehow other than it is.

As they say in energy healing, pain is stuck energy. In my experience, I have found you can heal severe pain by eliminating these thought patterns and aberrations in the energy field, allowing Life Force to flow unimpeded once again.

THAT I can totally believe, based on what I’ve seen of pain and its causes in my healing office. Physical pain seems to filter down from other levels of our conscious being, such as fears and doubts that come from or create attachments.

Pain is stuck energy. The important question is now: why is the energy stuck?

In a perfect world, energy, consciousness, and information flow freely as life unfolds. Acorns become magnificent oak trees. Baby otters grow up to become adult otters, without anyone instructing them in otterness. The only way this beautiful process of unfoldment and evolution gets stuck and therefore painful, is because of an attachment. An idea or thought or action that stopped the free flow of energy and consciousness in our divine unfolding.

Whether it was a thought you created yourself or one you downloaded from the collective consciousness, there it is, a tether, holding back some part of a divine or natural process that cannot be stopped.

But life happens, relentlessly. As you continue to move forward through time and your life evolves, this tether or limitation starts to gum up the works. It becomes a sticking point, and requires you to cope with it. It can manifest in your life as a mental limitation (“I’m not good enough”) or a bum knee. Eventually, this tether causes so much interference between you and your perfect unfoldment that we come to understand the feeling of this interference as pain.

Ouch.

Pain is a symptom of attachment, of limitation, of not allowing life to unfold in its brilliance, whatever form that takes. Pain is a result of trying to control and dictate Life itself.

Of this I am sure.

So what about the initial quote? Do I still agree with it? Yes, but I might rephrase it for clarity. Try this one on for size:

“Pain often happens in life due to habitual or unconscious grasping, controlling, and attachment,
but (once you notice it) continuing to suffer because of these limitations is entirely optional.”

Yes, I will still use the initial quote, since mine is pretty unwieldy. But this newly realized rewriting is the deeper meaning I will give to that quote when I say it.

So, what did you think of while washing the dishes this morning?

© Daria Boissonnas 2013

About 14 years ago, I enthusiastically started what may be an unusual spiritual practice, one that seems very simple yet has challenged me and fascinated me ever since. This practice also has brought tremendous relief and inner peace as it has helped me see the world as a nonduality or unified whole — a friendly place.

I stopped believing in causality.

Yep.

This is such an odd practice, it may be hard to imagine at first. It took quite a bit of effort to slide into at first, to catch myself thinking in terms of “what caused this” and “who is to blame?” But let’s take a look at this practice and its benefits.

What Does No-Causality Look Like?

How about a nice concrete example to ponder –

Suppose you fall and scrape your knee by tripping on a heaved sidewalk tile. Without causality, you did not fall because of the heaved sidewalk tile. Nor because you happened to be thinking about a recent painful fight you had with your best friend which distracted you so that you didn’t notice the heaved section. There is no because. All three things are one, like different facets on a cut diamond. They are all the same diamond, seen from different angles at different (sequential, as we experience them) points in time.

Consider the scraped knee, a place in the body that bends and flexes and supports forward movement. Now it is hurting.

Consider the fight with a friend, their inflexibility about something that triggered your inflexibility about their inflexibility and the angry words you tossed back and forth. Perhaps you are afraid the fight will end your friendship, which has been a great support to your changing directions in life.

Consider the sidewalk, which helps us move forward in a straight line, to go where we want to go more easily than treading on grass and stones. It is heaved, its even pace broken, as broken as you feel with this new rift in your friendship. You and your friend took different positions on the issue, like the two squares of sidewalk that no longer meet eye to eye. (See the common threads?)

Not believing in causality means that what we would usually separate as cause and effect are one. Both what we call the cause and the effect are expressions of some latent pool or system of energy and consciousness. In the stream of time as we experience it, we happen to see one (which we call cause) before the next (we call that effect). But, like telephone poles along the road, they are all actually there the whole time, we just experience them sequentially.

This is an easy world of 100% responsibility, and it makes for a very pleasant place to live. Of course people in this world care about the “consequences” of their actions, or, shall we say, the far-reaching aspects of the energy and consciousness that their actions were a small part of. They know they are connected to everything, a part of everything, belong to everything.

This world is a place of deep peace, a blameless stillness and ease which allows one to focus on positive reactions.

The Effects of No Cause and Effect

OK, that subhead was a pun. There is no effect of not believing in causality. The shift transcends the mindset of blame and you simply experience the world without this filter, as it is.

For me, over the years, what I have experienced while not believing in causality is that I tend look at the world increasingly as a metaphorical representation of energy and consciousness that we happen to perceive largely through our physical and mental perceptions. What happens becomes less important than what it means and what it tells me about my resistance and hangups and how I am not experiencing the world as a safe and loving place. It has also helped me become a crackerjack interpreter of dreams, daydreams, persistent mental images, hangups and more (so my clients enthusiastically say).

I believe this shift in consciousness has empowered my healing, in a sense by allowing me to step aside more easily to let more healing flow through me. And I simply love looking at the world in this way.

It was not an instant shift, but took place over many years of catching myself in old thinking habits of blame and causality, and then applying my new philosophy of no-causality to see the situation from that viewpoint. Eventually, my habits shifted and the world became a beautiful, harmonious place of oneness.

May it become so for you, too.

© 2013 Daria Boissonnas  All Rights Reserved

As you may know, last year I took a break from daily interactions with my business and went on an almost-sabbatical to rethink my book. One of the many gifts in stepping back was that when I returned to the daily details of running my business (only a few times a month), I could much more clearly feel and understand how I had gotten so burned out.

One insight smacked me over the head during a marathon attempt to whittle down my email backlog.

As you may do, I follow quite a few experts in my industry. I follow healing and meditation experts, wellness experts, speaking experts, spiritual experts, entrepreneurial experts, marketing communications experts, and more. And as I do myself, these experts often offer free seminars, free instructional videos, or free downloads to get you to take another look at them. We all know these marketing freebies are designed to test your interest in a class or coaching opportunity they are offering, but many of the freebies contain good information. (And others of course are rawther trite, inspiring facepalms the world over.)

There I sat, fresh from my calming sabbatical, attacking my emails. For those containing interesting freebies, I opened up the audio or video or free report in a new tab. Soon I had two dozen tabs open, and hours of videos and audios to listen to, as well as reports to read. (And this is after bypassing many.)

The difference this time was that I could clearly feel the emotions of the situation washed over me.  It was not pleasant.

The inner feeling went like this: *worry worry worry*  When am I going to GET to these articles and videos? I can skim an article but videos take a HUGE chunk of time. *stomach twisting into knots*  If someone is giving me advice, I must have a problem. Omg, looking at all these freebies, I have two dozen very serious problems. When am I going to solve these disasters?  *fluster fluster*

The reason I had opened them all and not listened to a single one became clear. (Don’t let me shock you.) I did not want to.

Ugh. Who would? I thought my business was peachy keen and doing fine until I saw in my email that I need to have a list of 5,000 people, and an extensive product funnel, and be making six figures, and and and…

No.

I went for a walk. Away from my email, I could still viscerally feel the tension writhing within me. Before I opened my email, I didn’t think my business had any problems. I know what I have to do next (rewrite the book) and after that (offer a class), and beyond that, I simply was not worried. Nothing felt broken.

In the past, I have unsubscribed to marketers who seemed annoying, sleazy, or overly persistent. It was nice to whittle the baddies out. This time, I went back to my computer and unsubscribed to everyone but a few clients and friends, for whom I created an email “rule” to drop their future emails into a folder (not my in-box).

If I do not look in that folder in the next month, they are getting unsubscribed, too.

Two Solutions

1. Rule It. If you are not ready to give these emails up, create an email rule where they all get dumped into a single folder, such as my favorite: “To Read When I Have Time.” This way, you will not see them and be burdened by their implication that you are not whole. If you find you are not seeking them out to discover what problem you have, well then, don’t.

2. Unsubscribe from them all. If you find yourself longing for one down the road, seek it out and resubscribe. I dare you.

The Question of Marketing

This experience made me think a great deal about the marketing messages I am sending out, too. Few of us have as many problems as we think we have, or as many as we, in our insecurity, worry that we have or allow others to CONVINCE us we have.

There is nothing wrong with you. If you are seeking support for growth, seek it when you need it. Start with inexpensive sources, like a google search or free books at the library. When you listen to your inner voice and feel who you are without opening your email first, you will find you do not need that information IV that comes through your email inbox.

Thank you, experts. I will look for you when I need you.

And not until.

© 2013 Daria Boissonnas  All Rights Reserved

My friend is putting together a class on clearing clutter, and this perennial struggle has been top of my mind.  Then this morning, my meditation gave me an unexpected insight into the piles and disorganization we call clutter.

As I sat in meditation enjoying an unusually deep peace and nothingness, I began to see myself sitting at my desk, as if my eyes were open.

Oh dear.

I’m still in the throes of removing the large desk (and emptying seven large drawers) in my office. Stacks of paper dot the office countertops as well as my massage therapy table.  Evicted empty drawers huddle in one corner.  The shredder has been throwing a week-long confetti party on the far side of the room.  And a few accretions of miscellaneous… I’ll be nice — stuff… are now seeping across my desk like a glacier field.

As I “saw” this (with eyes closed), I could vividly feel how stressed I used to get about clutter.

Clutter used to drive me nuts.  Whenever I needed to concentrate or start a new project that required thinking or creativity, I would instantly become super-distracted by things out of place in my environment.  (Coincidentally, I lived a fairly ordered but cluttered life, so there was lots to be distracted by.)  The piles around me would scream: “You don’t have time for THAT, you have to take care of THIS.”  And send me reeling into uncertainty.

Ugh.

But this morning, in that lovely meditative place, I felt my old reaction with compassion and love.  (Awww…)  Then the stressed feeling faded completely, and I was looking at my office clutter while once again feeling that kind of deep peace you can only experience far out in nature or in meditation.

Peace? Amidst clutter like this? But… yes. I could feel Peace in the desk, in the papers, in the… stuff. Peace. Stillness. The scene suspended itself, as if it was waiting for me.  And I got it: clutter is OK.  Clutter doesn’t matter.  Only what I thought and how I felt about clutter made it miserable.  Inside the clutter is stillness.  Inside me is stillness.  Inside each atom of clutter is Tao, Presence, or God.  Inside chaos is the deepest Peace.

And I can (and may) find that stillness, in the midst of any chaos.

I sat with that for a while, until I felt I could reach it again in a non-meditative state. Even now, hours later, I feel deeply peaceful.

Do I still want to create systems so clutter does not build up in my life?  Of course. But this I know: should clutter creep up on me, like when I’m moving furniture around or when I get too busy to file for a while, there will be stillness and holiness in the center of that clutter.

Today I activated this insight by plopping my laptop on top of the clutter and peacefully writing this out for you.

How can you find Peace and Stillness in your clutter?

© 2013 Daria Boissonnas

Happy Valentine’s Day! Whether you have a romantic partner or not, let’s ponder and honor all the things that are so lovable about you! (Get ready for a long article.)

Nah, scratch that.

The details don’t matter. Here’s the truth of it: You are simply loveable. You were born lovable. Every bit of you.

How do you feel about that?

If you are having a hard time buying this idea, consider this: The divine essence of you is not only lovable, it may be Love itself. Your essence is infinitely lovable. Divine Essence, Life Force, Grace, All-Encompassing Love, Presence, God, Tao: it flows through your veins and along your nerve and energy pathways.

Therefore, the rest of you is lovable too, as an expression of Divine Essence. Every bit of you.

Love is simply who you are, from the inside out.

True, perhaps, from time to time, you might fall into an old reaction, an old habit of thinking or behaving… and then you might not act so lovably. You may yell or worry or cut someone off in traffic. You might think or do something mean. You might fear, feel insecure, or get defensive.

But how you act and think is a mere derivative of the Essence of you. And, yes, sometimes fears and lower energies can get in the mix. But at your core, you are Lovable.

Nothing in your Divine Essence can truly be lost. It is all there, like an acorn holds all the information to become a tree, whatever happens to the acorn. You are complete. Completely lovable. In every moment, in every situation.

If you are lovable in your inner core, then you are lovable in every cell of your body, and in your energy field. Love flows through all you are and do.

Listen to that Love. Can you hear it?

How can you tune into the song of Love within you, every day, in every moment… and hear it so distinctly… that you absentmindedly begin humming the tune for others?

© 2013 Daria Boissonnas

Last weekend someone asked to come see me for some healing. They said, “How about Monday?”

I gulped.

Between clients and especially on weekends, the massage therapy table in my office can become like a kitchen counter — a magnet for stuff that’s “between locations.” This time, I knew, it was particularly full. The boxes and papers from my new computer were all over the table. I’m also planning to remove the large desk in my office and have started to build temporary piles while I sort through everything. (You know how things get messy before they get better?) Also also, I knew my dining room table (visible across from my office) happened to be piled high with art projects and kid stuff, and the living room was strewn with games (7, I counted later), and I never managed to dust in January and and and…

I shrank into myself as I felt how messy my house was — waaay too messy to have someone in my home office so soon! So I started to say, “No, how about Thursday?” to give myself a few days to tidy up. Maybe an hour a day or so…

But as the words formed on my tongue, the Universe went…

“Ahem.”

And I heard it. I was putting my ego and perfectionism before their healing. My somewhat messy house was more important than their getting healing right away on Monday? No.

Taking a deep breath, I said, “OK, great.” If I had to throw stuff in boxes and stash them in a closet for a few hours, I would open my doors Monday morning.

Turns out, I spent an hour tidying up the massage therapy table that morning and easily cleaned it off properly. I left the games in the living room; we do have four kids after all. I didn’t dust (and I didn’t apologize for not dusting, drawing their attention to it like I used to, lol). And after the appointment I even showed the client some of the kids’ art that was piled in the dining room.

All that cringing was not about my house, it was about me and my insecurities. About the “rule” that echoes from my childhood that you are not worthy in the eyes of God unless your house is spotless. (Cancel, clear!)

Thank goodness I have all I need in every moment. Thank goodness I have an office and spectacular healing skills to offer to someone in pain. Thank goodness I live by the principle “healing first.”

© 2013 Daria Boissonnas

Continuing from last week, we are exploring an often misquoted saying from the Gospel of Thomas, which erroneously is quoted like this:

INACCURATE:
“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you.
If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”  (emphasis mine)

In the last article, we considered what the first part of the official translations mean, as a writer, artist or healer, and came up with three intentions for Awakening.

Now let’s look at the second part of the quote.

Part 2: The Thing about the Thing that Kills You

Consider the same five official translations for the second half of the quote (emphases mine):

Thomas O. Lambdin:
(70) “…That which you do not have within you will kill you if you do not have it within you.”

Stephen Patterson and Marvin Meyer:
70. “…If you do not have that within you, what you do not have within you [will] kill you.”

Stephen J. Patterson and James M. Robinson:
(70) …(2) “If you do not have it within you, (then) that which you do not have within you [will] kill you.”

Pico Iyer:
70.) …What you do not have within will kill you.

Coptic Ecumenical Project:
70. …If you do not have that within yourselves, this which you do not have within you will kill you.

In this part, the misquote almost restates the official translations of the first part: suppressing your gifts will kill you.

But in the official translations, it doesn’t seem to matter what you do any more. This part says you either have it, or you don’t. And not having it will somehow end your existence. Not having… something… has dire consequences.

What does this mean?

Know Your Gift, Divine Purpose, or Calling

One of the things I love about spiritual teachings and truths is that they can be interpreted in many ways or on many levels, and, if the teaching is deep enough, each of these interpretation provides valid insights. There is no “wrong” interpretation. (Just don’t mangle the teaching to say something else, lol.) So if you have other interpretations, please comment them below.

One way we could understand the correct second half of the phrase is like this: if you are pretending to be something other than what you are (that is, if you do not have within you what you are putting on the outside of you), it will kill you.

Well, ain’t that the truth. We have probably all done that at some point in our lives, moreso in our youth. Note to self: be genuine. Or, as I tell the kids, truth gets you much farther in life than lies.

What else does this teaching mean? To me, it’s all about seeing your own divinity, your own divine creative gifts, your own natural Inner Healer.

I bet you can think of a few incredibly gifted people who cannot see their own gifts. They don’t seem to appreciate how deep their abilities go or how much the rest of us, not having these gifts, treasure their abilities and their help. What I have observed in my clients over the years is that when you are truly living your gifts, it’s easy and fun. Effortless and enjoyable. The divine gift you bring to the world is so easy for you, in fact, that it can be hard to appreciate… or even notice at first.

Now let me ask you this: if a tree falls in the forest and there is no one to notice it, has it really fallen?

That is, if you have a divine gift inside you but you never see it, is it still there? Isn’t your gift, in a sense, absent from your being? If you do not look, do you really “have” it?

This teaching says to me that if you do not know what you have within you, for example if you do not explore your inner divinity, life purpose, calling, or Inner Healer, that omission will kill you. (You can interpret “kill” any way you like, from make you miserable to end your life.) If you never find out who you are, whether you get up the guts to express it or not, it you will simply cease to be.

Cease to be you.

This, in turn, reminds me of some of the oldest spiritual advice in the world, inscribed in the temple at Delphi: Know Thyself.

Know Thyself

When we get sucked into our angst, drama, and depression as writers, creatives, healers, and intuitives, we get pulled away from seeing that which we have within. We get sucked into a downward spiral of ego and insufficiency and crushed intentions. That is not the road to happiness, a meaningful life, and the joy of helping others.

Happiness comes from exploring, awakening, and expressing what you already have within. We know from the first half of the teaching that, whatever it looks like, what you are inside is GOOOOOOD. Take your time. Enjoy the chase. Enjoy the expression of your true self.

In a sense, fully investigated, this teaching of Jesus turned out to be even better advice for artists, writers and healers than I assumed.

What do YOU have within?

A few months ago, I went looking for that quote from the Gospel of Thomas — the one that artists, writers, and healers love — the one that says something like: if you do not bring forth what is within you, it will just kiiiiiiiill you.

Oh yeah.

In the throes of our artistic angst, especially when not doing our art, our teaching, or our healing, we can identify with the feeling of slowly dying.

But when I finally located the quote, I discovered it was misquoted. Among the three main scholarly translations and several others I found, none translate logon #70 the way I have seen it on facebook and twitter.

Here is the misquote, directly from BrainyQuote.com (a website that any serious writer or facebook quoter avoids like the plague):

INACCURATE:
“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you.
If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”  (emphasis mine)

Instead, the real quote speaks of something deeper and even more profound. 

What do official translations say?

Part 1: What Saves You Is What You HAVE… If You Express It

ACCURATE (first half of quote):

Translated by Thomas O. Lambdin:
(70) Jesus said, “That which you have will save you if you bring it forth from yourselves.”

Translated by Stephen Patterson and Marvin Meyer:
70. Jesus said, “If you bring forth what is within you, what you have will save you.”

Translated by Stephen J. Patterson and James M. Robinson:
(70) Jesus says: (1) “If you bring it into being within you, (then) that which you have will save you.

Rendered by Pico Iyer (Source: The Gospel According to Thomas: With Complementary Texts, ed. Raghavan Iyer, Concord Grove Press, 1983, often miscredited online to a mysterious Nancy Johnson.)
70.) When you produce this within, what you have will save you.

The Coptic Ecumenical Project, translated into English and Spanish by Paterson Brown:
70. Yeshua says: When you bring forth that which is within yourselves, this that you have shall save you. (Again, my bolding for easy comparison to the misquote.)

Three Intentions for Awakening

What does this new understanding mean for those of us who produce creative or healing works?

1. Stop looking for what will save you “out there.” Know that you already have something wonderful inside you, something worth sharing, something can turn your life around, every time you need it to. You will not find it out there, although some of what you find out there may remind you of what you already have inside. Drop any jealousy of other people’s published works, too, because those are mere shadows of what counts. Wonderful though they may be, the works don’t matter. What YOU already have counts for a lot.

Translations #3 and 4 even seem to imply that all you have to do is develop this thing within you, to “bring it forth” within, perhaps by simply exploring it, listening to it, or acknowledging it. Turn inward.

2. Express your something wonderful. If you are a dancer, dance. If you are a writer, write. If you are a healer, heal. Do it behind closed doors and unpublished if you have to at first. Explore what is within you. It’s more important that you acknowledge what is in you and EXPRESS it, than you or your works be seen or approved of. It may be that our most sacred duty is simply expressing what is inside us, if only to ourselves and our loved ones.

Well, all right, we kind of knew that already, but let it soak in: It’s not what you have, but THAT you have something wonderful already. It’s not what you produce but THAT you produce it.

3. And, finally, stop counting jelly beans. It’s not the size of your, er, body of work that counts. Contrary to the misquote, what you’ve produced is not what saves you. The painter with the most canvases hanging in the Louvre does not win. The vast potential you don’t even know you have inside is what makes the difference… if you connect with it. If you seek it and “bring it into being.” So stop counting the other kids’ jelly beans while you focus on your own.

This teaching reminds me of Jesus’s admonition to pray in secret. There, alone, it’s what you do in your heart that counts — what you do when it’s just you and God looking, not what you show to others. This teaching also reminds me of the Tao Te Ching’s saying that, “Those who know don’t talk and those who talk don’t know.”

I had no idea this quote would turn out to be about a lot more than artistic angst. What counts, in my words, is your Inner Healer: your naturally healing gifts and your inner connection to them.

And you will be “saved” by awakening this within you.

Would you like a small challenge to activate this teaching? Take 10 seconds right now, and name ONE thing you can do immediately (or later today) to connect with the real you, inside you. (Whether that part of you looks like what you think other people want… or not.) How could you honor this hidden part of you? How could you begin to explore it more deeply?

One thing.

Let me know what you discover, in the comment section below.

ARTICLE PART 2: THE THING ABOUT THE THING THAT KILLS YOU… next time

© 2013 Daria Boissonnas

For 15 years I have done intuitive dream analysis and folks have loved it (just call me Joseph–lol!) I know there are a variety of theories about dreams, ranging from dreams being meaningful to meaningless. For some reason, my clients typically walk away with a big new self-insight and a new healing exercise to move beyond some aspect of their struggles.

Recently I have been working on a new phenomenon — DAYdream analysis. You do not have to fall asleep in order to find brilliant guidance. Simply look at the vivid scenes that flit through your head!!!

It’s been an—er—eye-opener.

We rarely pay attention to daydreams. When I catch myself daydreaming, I try to snap out of it and come back to “real life.” And my daydreams easily flit away. But now I am practicing noticing them. Since this is not yet a spiritual habit, I have to put a little effort into it, like when I trained myself to remember night dreams long enough to make a few notes in the morning before they, too, went poof.

Daydreams Are Rich Sources of Self-Information from Your Unconscious Mind

Your daydream is realer than real life. Though the term “daydream” generally represents a condition of happily not paying attention, actual daydreams can be positive or negative.

I am finding that a daydream is like a picture-based type of thought (but not our usual logical thought) floating through your head.  It’s a part of your consciousness, often reflecting the state of your being.  (Why wouldn’ t that part of you think about what’s going on, too?) I am finding that daydreams typically represent a currrent situation metaphorically or symbolically, and so by analyzing them, you can see the situation more clearly. When I look at daydreams as a longtime healer and intuitive or psychic reader, what often pops out next is a healing exercise to take advantage of positive issues and help move beyond disturbing ones. (Love it!)

To analyze daydreams, it helps to be very intuitive and experienced with metaphors and symbolism. Then again, nobody can interpret your inner symbolism like you can. Take a stab at it! Jot down the essentials of the daydream and what was going on when you had it. “What was going on” may include issues you are working on healing, or simply exactly what was happening at the moment.

The first daydream I analyzed was my own, a disturbing daydream where someone was being hurt on purpose. As a healer, I’d like to think I have healed beyond such unpleasantries, but no. There it was. Some innocent, uncertain part of me was being harmed on purpose by something that was totally taking advantage of my indecision. When I identified the relevant parts of me, I found a significant opportunity for healing. I’m excited to work through this issue. I saw an unexpected, hidden aspect of it through my daydream.

Daydream Analysis on Sale through 12/31/2012

Want to be part of the experiment? Record your daydream, and its context—what was going on just before it happened? Then email Support here at GIAwaken.com to connect and get an appointment. For just $10, I will analyze your daydream (via a 10-20 minute phone call) if you are one of the first 10 people to respond.

To your healing journey!

© 2012 Daria Boissonnas. All Rights Reserved. To reprint this article, email Support, at GIAwaken.com.

It is the job of poets, writers, artists, and healers to both uplift society in dark times and help them enjoy the good times.

As a former resident of New Jersey, the photos and news of hurricane Sandy has been personally shocking and devastating. As a writer/poet and healer who came to love New Jersey and its amazing people in my 13 years of living there, here is my small contribution:

Noble New Jersey

Oh noble New Jersey, your skirts are wet and torn,
Your people and trees uprooted, how ravaged your shores!
Although your lights fall dark in this dim week,
We, like your celebrated lighthouse peaks,
Remember and hold high your lighted heart, unmeek.

How can I—we—by that light help you along
Each step by tiny step, towards our brighter dawn?
Though creations of man may crumble and pass away,
Not hand nor storm nor the struggle of difficult days
Can mar the soul of our blessed New Jersey state.

–Daria Boissonnas

Was your dad perfect?

Mine was pretty good, but I can totally look back and spend hours listing things he might have done differently.

Not necessarily because that would have been better, mind you, lol. Just because I am an expert criticizer!

If you are reluctant to connect with your dad today, or if you are carrying old dad pain around, consider making this the year you decide to heal it.

You have moved out of the house. Maybe he has passed on. It’s time to let go.

Here the way I heal things “out there” that are bothering me.

Making Peace with the Inner Dad

On this Father’s Day (and maybe for the next year), contemplate how you feel about your father.

• Is your relationship an energy sink?
• Do you still entertain thoughts that he should have done this or acted that way?
• Is there any frustration or negative emotions that drain you?

You do not have to confront him or tell him anything. That will only create karma and more negativity down the road.

You can heal any relationship completely from your side. Whatever harmful connections between you two, you can unhook them from your side. And they will be gone.

How can you begin doing that? Consider this method:

1. Choose the most difficult thing about your relationship. What is he doing or not doing? In what way does he fall short?
2. Where in your life do you do what you complain about him doing?
3. Where in your life do you NOT do what you hate that he DIDN’T do?

It might not be easy to see these. Since they are so irritating in him, you won’t want to find them within you, of course. Nonetheless, in my life, it is exactly the things “out there” that annoy me so much that are what I am struggling with inside, too. Find a good friend or a spouse or a healer who can help you see yourself or brainstorm this.

Then ask yourself: how can you let go of these painful thoughts/qualities/behaviors yourself?

And: How can you do (in a healthy manner) for yourself, your inner child, or your children what he never did?

When you practice this for a while, it will not rankle that he did/didn’t do that. When you heal a mind pattern in you, you will not be bothered by his still having it.

You are responsible for you. You cannot heal your dad, but you can heal YOU.

Now find your own fatherlike qualities.

Instead of wanting someone else to DO something for you, how can you father yourself? In my experience, doing this will unseat the negative image of your dad.

We love dad, but we don’t have to drag the negative aspects of him around with us.

Happy Father’s Day.

© Daria Boissonnas 2012 All Rights Reserved. Please inquire about reprint rights.

Just went to the cabinet to get out some tea. When I opened it, one box jumped out at me and kerplunked on the counter. Kombucha. Detoxing tea.

(What do you think? Anything meaningful there?)

“It means I’m supposed to have that kind of tea!” exclaimed one corner of my mind.

Hmm. I have been feeling a little under the weather with a cold in the last two days. So I asked my body if it would benefit from hot tea right now (yes), and what kind would most benefit it.

Nope. Not that one. Thoughtful, I made the other kind of tea.

All the events around us have meaning, and the greatest meaning comes from tapping the truth within you. Our minds are busy things, but, as you may have learned over and over yourself, the mind is not always correct. It makes best guesses.

The heart knows. Your energy body knows. Your inner wisdom knows. Some part of you always knows the answer to questions about your best interests. Tap into that.

Fate may bring you in contact with a range of people, things, and experiences. Are you meant to engage them all? Not likely. But this I do know: You can learn from each connection.

Intuitively, it feels like I have two… somethings… to cleanse out of my life. A little more meditation, and I’ll soon figure them out. Thanks, tea!

© 2012 Daria Boissonnas

What struck you about my tea experience? Let me know in the comments, below.

~ Daria’s Wednesday Wisdom column ~

How do you begin your day? For most of my life, I jumped right into a task as soon as I walked in my office. I felt like I was getting more done that way! When that task was done, I zipped on to the next one. Then I took lots of little (or not so little) breaks because I was working so hard. (Well, it made sense at the time, lol!)

In dealing with my increasingly busy days now, however, I am reminded of a joke. It says that Ghandi meditated for one hour at the start of every day, without exception. Discussing a particularly demanding day that was coming up, he told his assistant that he would have to meditate for two hours to start that day.

When the joke is told properly (sorry), you expect Ghandi to skip his meditation to better jump into his busy day. The absolute last thing you would expect is to spend even MORE time meditating!

Yet meditation has been proven in studies to calm us, relax us, and improve our thinking and effectiveness. It also can benefit your physical health. If you can get more done in less time because of it, then you certainly have time for meditation.

Start today with just 5… no, how about streeeeeetching into 6, 8 or 10 minutes a day! All you have to do is sit comfortably and feel your body or watch your breath. As sounds, thoughts, and life’s craziness rise around you, notice it, name it (thinking about my meeting, noisy kids, big worry, ankle still hurts, truck in street…) and let it go. Breathe it out if you like.

Just for a few, blissful minutes. Close your door. Take the phone off the hook and enjoy having NO responsibilities for a few minutes. When does THAT ever get to happen?

The Secret about Meditating

Beginners are often relieved to hear that there is no way to answer, “What should meditation feel like when I get it?” It feels like you, sitting quietly, naming the craziness of life and over and over, returning to the calm center that IS inside you. The masters never get to a magical point where they “have it.” You probably aren’t doing it wrong. Meditation is a practice, like playing soccer or lifting weights. You just keep getting better and better at it.

The more you practice, the faster you return to calm after interruption. The more you meditate, the faster you can return to calm when you are not meditating, for instance when the baby is crying, your boss is phoning, the pasta is boiling over, and the doorbell rings.

How can you commit to living an easier life, right now, by starting your day with a few minutes of meditation? Put it in your calendar. Do this at home before you go to work, on the train or bus in the morning, or first thing when you get into your home office.

Try it out for just 10 days and let me know how it goes, and whether you have any questions. (Hint: Which days are more productive for you, the ones that start with meditation, or the days you forget or “don’t have time”? Yeah, me too.)

(c) 2012 Daria Boissonnas

What is power? How would you define it?

Recently I read this definition: “Though power most often refers to the ability to influence people (Guerrero, DeVito & Hecht, 1999, p. 314), power is also related to dominance and status (Guerrero, DeVito & Hecht, 1999, p. 315)…”

Hunh? I spend all day focusing on empowering my clients and myself, but I’ve always thought of power as the ability to create healing changes, the kind of power that flows through you. Are we ultimately working towards the ability to influence, dominate, and have status?

Hmm… Well, sure. I like this definition because you can apply it perfectly to most valuable type of power you can develop, an ability most correlated with success — self-power. Power from within means you can influence yourself to write your novel, exercise, meditate every day, practice your art regularly, or get to sleep at a healthy time, even when all you feel like doing is sitting in front of a late movie with a bowl of ice cream.

Right, that power. The power that builds easy self-discipline. The power that takes you out of old, limiting habits and stretches for new habits, and keeps stretching, right through the discomfort stage.

This power is the ability to influence yourself to do what you know is good for you in the long run, when your head is full of reasons why not. It is the ability to dominate your “but-but-but” thoughts. And it is the status that says you honor your health, wealth, and happiness first. Good things come from this kind of power.

Then, when you use this power to take care of you (to put that proverbial oxygen mask over your own face), you will have more power to take care of others. You will empower your Inner Healer.

© 2012 Daria Boissonnas

How do you define power? What kind of power are you developing? Let us know in the comments below!

On Friday I attended a writer’s retreat and I am still floating. Because I am a writer. It’s my life purpose, the way I fulfill my divine contract. When I returned, I was quite surprised to find the pain from a recent horrible relationship blowup had all but disappeared. This was a situation where for two weeks I was so preoccupied that I kept forgetting things and taking wrong turns while driving.

It reminded me how powerfully healing it is to do what you were born to do, to step into your divine purpose, even just for a few hours.

Many artists, healers, and creatives spend a great deal of time and money fixing their problems. While this process has merit, we also can get WAY too distracted by it! I have seen great healers obsessed with pathology instead of asking how to move beyond it. I have seen them with their backs to the future, toiling over clearing their past, like Sisyphus rolling the rock to the top of the hill only to have it roll down again, or worse, like Prometheus getting his liver eaten out every morning.

You can spend a lifetime clearing the ants from an anthill by stepping on them as they emerge. Or YOU can help yourself step beyond the anthill.

Your choice.

When you are in your purpose, time disappears, your heart sings, and you create so much nurturing and healing energy that you can help clear a LOT of those problems you thought you had. Imagine what it would be like to make your living expressing your creativity! Let the fantasy roll. Think up your next project.

Healing comes from connections that nurture, and the most powerful kinds include connecting to your divine purpose, your natural gifts, your creativity, and who you really are when you are in that groove.

Over and over, my highly gifted creative clients are unhappy and stuck because they are not devoting enough time to doing their creative thing. (The second most common absence is not getting out in nature enough–another source of powerful healing!) It’s time to give yourself permission to be happy and to heal.

Stop peeling the onion. Put it down and be done with it. Go do your creative thang.

When I write, my cup runneth over. So may it be for you.

© 2012 Daria Boissonnas

When you have a fight or other painful event in a relationship, how do you get back on track?

Many folks would say forgiveness.

I agree — that is a great place to start! However, I’m going to step out on a limb here so you can give your forgiveness practice more power. Forgiveness is not, as many believe, the entire healing process. It is the first step.

But it is an extremely important first step that allows the rest of healing to happen.

This came up for me recently, a little too close to home, when someone I love took dramatic offense and hurt at something I said with all good intentions. They were done with me; I was devastated. Several days later, a friend brilliantly and lovingly asked me, “What else do you need from this situation in order to heal?”

Great question! You can’t go anywhere if you don’t know where you want to go! It’s so easy to get stuck in the emotions of a crisis without looking for the healing solution.

I went within. I… I wanted to be forgiven. Even though I had technically done nothing wrong, they were genuinely hurting. I wanted this person to say, “That’s OK dear, I understand, things like this happen sometimes, I’ll get over it, I forgive you.”

The Power of Forgiveness Is Disconnection

When we are stressed by a negative event, our energy and consciousness freezes. It locks us into the event(s), which is now in the past. Even today, many of us are locked to painful events from earlier in your life. (Some vividly, as if it happened yesterday. Is there anything left from your upbringing that can rile you up upon thinking of it?)

When you maintain connections to the past, you must power those connections with your energy and consciousness. They are distractions and energy drains. You struggle where there could be ease. You feel adrift, confused, or vaguely dissatisfied with life when you tend these old wounds. It is as if you are carrying them around in a massive backpack, bending under their weight.

This I know: the heart of healing is connection. It is connection to that which sustains and nourishes, and disconnection from that which drains and demoralizes.

Forgiveness is a letting go, a healthy disconnection of your energy and consciousness from the painful experience. It is a release of blame and the need to receive anything back. Forgiveness turns you around, from being stuck in the past, attached to what happened, to facing forward again, being present in today, and moving forward into healing.

Sometimes, it’s easy to get over an offense. Hey, things happen and we can move on. But in situations where stress, outrage, shock, hurt, and other emotions have firmly attached us to that original fight or event, forgiveness is golden. It initiates the healing process.

But What If They Won’t Forgive You?

What do you do when you are the transgressor — intentional and repenting, or unintentional — and the person you hurt will not forgive you? What do you when the other person is refusing to reconcile?

You heal. You step beyond this situation, by disconnecting yourself. And the #1 rule about healing is this: you have all the resources you need at all times.

The way energy works, the only way you can experience or perceive someone not forgiving you is if, in some way, you have not fully forgiven yourself. This you must do. As soon and as much as you can.

Surprisingly, and wonderfully, when you forgive yourself — when you disconnect from that event and the pain around it — you make it much easier for the person you hurt to do so, too.

Now THAT is healing. (You healer, you!)

You are not dependent on other things or people for your happiness and spiritual journey. Any thought that says otherwise is Resistance. You can find everything in the world within you, including forgiveness.

I know this spiritual principle, but I’m human and I had gotten caught up in my emotions and forgotten. When I remembered that no forgiveness on the outside means no forgiveness on the inside, I knew it was 100% right. I was devastated and shocked, and had not forgiven myself in the uproar.

Forgive Yourself and Free Yourself to Heal

After a nice meditation of self-forgiveness (“I choose to forgive myself, I choose to let this go, I hand this situation over to God for resolution, I choose to forgive them for not forgiving me,” etc etc), I felt less upset. You may choose to take a physical action of forgiveness, too, like a donation to a relevant charity or sharing your newfound wisdom with someone.

I will repeat this meditation a few times. Connections of energy and consciousness are a bit insidious. Once built, they tend to resonate with similar connections and entwine themselves where they don’t  belong. To truly forgive and fully let go, it helps to repeat your forgiveness exercises and touch on the situation from a variety of angles. You might want to get help from a healer or counselor.

Once you have forgiven yourself, you will be able to freely look at the situation and see what you reacted emotionally to and do some healing (eliminating or rewriting patterns) around those issues. Sometimes this stage is so easy, once we let go/forgive, that we assume forgiveness was all that was necessary. Hallelujah!

When I am done with my self-forgiveness, I will no longer need forgiveness from the other person. I have not abandoned them or the situation, but I will have completely let go of the source of the painful rift between us. It will be water under the bridge. And I will rest in that wonderful place of genuine spiritual independence, where others truly have no power over my happiness.

I pray for them to find this inner release, too.

© 2012 Daria Boissonnas

Have you struggled to forgive yourself? Do you have advice or a different perspective? Please share it in the comments below!

Is there some area of your life where you know you need to make a change, but you just… haven’t… done it yet?

Maybe you’ve been intending to lose that extra 10 pounds, start a newsletter for your business, finish your book, or do that scrapbook.

I bet you give yourself grief for not taking those steps. (You do, don’t you?) You might feel bad, criticize yourself (even in front of others), punish yourself subtly, or worse.

Stop it.

Right now.

Your intentions to change are actually great news, even without the action step! Congratulations, you!

Here is why. When we make change, we generally move through three phases. Wanting to change while not taking action is the second step. And any progress beyond the first phase should be applauded!

The three phases of change look like this:

Beginning Phase: Nothing is wrong with me. I don’t need to change. What are you staring at?

Middle Phase: Uh oh, I noticed something I would like to change in my life. Ugh. Wow. How long has this been here? Why didn’t someone tell me? Oh, you did? Ack, just how pervasive is it? Oh, wow. Let me soak this in and get used to the idea. Let me look at it from all angles. I really want to change this, but I’m not sure what I want instead.

Final Phase: I am ready to do something about this issue. In fact I am doing something! I am really excited to start a program this afternoon. I already have done the first three exercises in the workbook. I looked at a lot of options, and I do believe this is the one for me. I am committed to this change, and have created a reward system for myself. I am doing this for me, and will enjoy the outcome.

Tips for Surviving the Middle Phase of Change

Yes, it’s GREAT to want to change, even if you are not yet ready to do so. Here are five ways to make it easier to survive–and graduate from this phase.

1. Celebrate. If you know you want to make a change, but you aren’t doing anything, you are in the middle phase. It’s OK, in fact, it’s great! Congratulations! You made it out of being stuck! Pat yourself on the back. Celebrate your moving forward! And let go of all that guilt. Just because you had the idea does not mean you are ready to live it… yet.

2. Get Clarity. Discover exactly what you DO want to change. Often, it’s not what you think at first, when you first move into the Middle Phase. This phase is about clarification. You see what you want to fix or eliminate, but what do you want to replace it with?

Sometimes, your original goal (eg. lose 20 pounds) is just a hint at what you really want, and your real goal (love myself enough to find a romantic partner) is something different. Dig deep. Go on retreats, consult with proven intuitives, ponder and dig around until you identify the real dream at the core of your desire to change. Keep moving forward.

3. Look At Your Options. Look around for solutions, but don’t buy anything yet. Especially don’t buy something just because it came along–it might have come along as a form of resistance, not a godsend solution. Take a good look at its merits and costs. Try programs out first–almost everyone gives away a free recording or exercise or something to try. Are you ready to stick to a schedule and do the work?

4. Give Yourself Time. Right now, you are analyzing the situation–and it’s never as cut-and-dried as it seems. You need some time. Allow yourself to have it.

If you get antsy, set a date to decide what you will do about your desire to change. If you don’t have the information or if you are not fully connected to creating a solution, set another date and some things to do or learn before that date.

5. Get Help If You Get Stuck. Yes, it is possible to get stuck in the Middle Phase, stuck in your resistance and fears and doubts, not moving forward when you want to. Get help, bounce your fears off others, and while you are exploring your resistance, be kind to yourself.

We do not punish second graders for not knowing high school math. Second grade is a phase, a stepping stone. Enjoy it. What right do you have to be mean to any of God’s children, yourself included?

When you let go of the guilt, self-criticism, angst, and self-sabotage you are raining down upon yourself, you open up a lot of energy to constructive uses, including healing. You can progress more quickly through the Middle Phase of Change and reach your end goal. Then you can celebrate once again!

© 2012 Daria Boissonnas

Have you ever thought of change this way before? Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below!