Two weeks ago, I valiantly attempted to cut through the tough leaf stem of a particularly large houseplant, using a mediumish pair of desk scissors. (It was handy.) Though still not sure how, I managed to pinch the pad of my right middle finger between the handles. Hard.

It made me dance.

Not in a good way.

The injury became a long thin angry blood-blister. Then it turned rusty and now it is slowly fading. At least it didn’t hurt much after I did healing on it for a few minutes. (After the dancing part.)

Looking at my widdew boo-boo this morning, I became amazed at the physical process of healing. Right there, in my body, was a powerful Life process. Even better, since life is fractal, it is one we can learn from and use in other areas, too.

You could say I had made a “mistake” that had hurt me (have you ever done that? lol), and immediately, my body started coping.

1. It rushed resources to the hurt area (blood, fluids). And there were plenty to go around. The finger swelled, it hurt, it turned RED. By doing this, my body patched things up — the blood blister became like a scab beneath my skin. Great temporary measures.

2. Then, over the next several days, it started to clean up the patch itself and get back to the ideal finger state. The swelling subsided, the scab faded. Some day soon, my fingerpad will be all clear and happy again.

What struck me as so amazing is the two-phase reaction: First, emergency fixing. Then, longer-term healing.

Isn’t life like that?

This process is why I congratulate clients for getting medical attention and recommend that yesofcourse, they continue to take their meds until their doc says they can taper off — that’s the temporary fix.

And there they are in my office seeking longer-term healing, to clear the underlying anomaly that triggered the illness or condition in the first place. That’s the healing part.

It’s a beautiful thing. And it works.

One, two. Fix, heal.

Share Your Wisdom

Where in your life have you experienced this one-two, fix-then-heal approach?

Did it work for you, or did you run into glitches?

(c) Daria Boissonnas 2013  All rights reserved.

I was just listening to another parent’s story of an out-of-control, unrecognizable teenager.

It seems as if one day our kids are grinning lovingly at us, and the next they are sullen, slamming-the-door sorts of beasts. They don’t do what you ask them to, and they want to do things you don’t want them to do.

You yourself go from the wizard who could kiss the boo-boo better to an idiot, or worse.

Yeah, things get crazy in the teen years.

It’s not just hormones. If you can remember (heh), our teen years were when we began to find our independence, and learned to stand on our own two feet. We became more mobile, learned to drive and could go places without guardians, woohoo. Older, we could stay out later. We even longed to experiment with increasingly powerful situations and substances to find out who we were.

Adolescence and the process of independence from parents is a crucial part of our development as humans, one that I believe very few adults have completed well. I swear 90% of healing sessions I do work on issues of self-power not resolved by the end of adolescence. How can we help our kids not need healers for these issues?

What Makes the Difference?

I am writing about this all because we’ve got a high school senior and a high school junior. When they were little, I used to joke with my husband, “Oh they’re cute now, but one day they will be slamming doors at us, screaming, ‘I hate you I hate you I hate you!’”

It seemed amusing at the time.

Then again, so far we are up to about five or six slammed doors. I think I’ve heard “I hate you” only twice. But yes, check their birth certificates, they are teens.

Odd?

As my heart was breaking listening to this other parent’s story of her struggles, I wondered what was different about our house.

I thought about a friend who has very strict reins on her kid’s computer habits and, now that I mention it, almost every other activity, too. She told me why — “I don’t want him to do what I did at that age.” I’ve also heard, “I know what she can do at this age.”

Let me know if I’m missing something, but this is what occurred to me:

-> My friend doesn’t trust her kid to follow her marching orders, so she tries to overcontrol at a time when the kid is seeking independence and self-control.

-> At our house, we set up tasks and required behaviors that the kid will have to do as an adult anyway, training them to be adults.

What’s the core issue here? Trust.

1. Trust the Kid

I think trust has probably been the biggest factor in our ending up with non-monster teens.

I trust my kids to always be making the best decision they can make (which as this age, might not always be the wisest, I remind myself.) And then I make it my job to step in where they aren’t learning from consequences and show them easier options.

So when a kid doesn’t come home on time or do their chore, I trust them. I have spacey creative kids, and they probably got involved in what they were doing. I trust that they knew what they should have done. Then we have a Long Boring Talk in the near future about keeping your word, etc.

I used to NOT trust that they knew this, and things got ugly, fast.

But when I let go and did start trusting that they knew better, the issue shifted. It gave them more independence and respect they could feel. The issue became a behavioral thing then, down to mere choices or breaking old habits, not a question of whether they were smart enough or good enough or responsible enough.

Whew.

How much do you trust your teenager? Is there something you can trust them about or with? If there was something, what would it be?

2. Trust the Universe

I choose to trust the Universe too. Trust is a choice, after all. You can begin to trust right now with a simple choice. I deeply trust the Universe, even when I do not understand.

So when a teen is late coming home at night, I don’t run through every scenario that could have gone wrong. (Ok, once in a while I do catch myself doing this, and then I stop.)

I refuse to give negative fantasies, aka worry, any energy. I refuse to make those options any more likely.

Yes, I might ask the Universe to keep an eye on the kid. I might text said kid. Or I might go to bed without doing anything, following up with a Long Boring Talk about what it was like for them to be at that decision point and how they weighed their decisions, and how it felt to be at home waiting for them.

Each time a kid departs my supervisory radius, I trust that everything will work out for the best. This did not come easily at first. It is a spiritual practice.

What are you trying to control with your teen?  Can you truly control that?  How might letting go be a healthier choice?
Can you make a choice to let go of something stressful, right now? 

3. Be Trustable

When I first started parenting, my #1 rule, which I have only broken 3 times (sigh, long story), was to never ever lie to my kids. As a kid I was empathic and it was extremely confusing to experience adults lying to me. When I became a parent I realized how easy it is to throw a white lie at a kid, without even realizing it. (The kid won’t know, right? Wrong, lol.)

Honesty is always the best policy in our house, as in life. This is especially true in important relationships, which are based on trust, and which every parent models for their kid (whether they intend to or not, live with the kid or not).

In this house, admitting to having lied does not get you yelled at, but gets celebrated and may even get your punishment cancelled. Yay for telling the truth.

So we model telling the truth and being trustable. And no, it’s not always easy, and we don’t have a perfect track record by any means, but the results for our efforts have been priceless.

Our kids trust us to not blab confidences, even to other family members. Our kids trust us to be on their side, to support them, to help them figure out who they are, to always root for them, or to help them when they are confused or upset. That track record has carried into the teen years, though I notice they are more reluctant to outright ask for advice as teens, which I have to admit I miss.

Finally, I also believe being trustable includes not criticizing your kid. It seems to me that too much criticism, especially unasked for, makes one untrustable. Randomly criticizing is like randomly punishing, which drives animals mad in experiments.

You can help your kids improve, if they want you to help. I have to seriously stretch myself to allow my teens (or tweens or grade-schoolers) to express THEIR style in THEIR way.

Our job as parents is to help them see and learn to live up to their potential (not to be our dollies or puppets, tho). It’s easy to criticize when I get frustrated (then I apologize), and I’m working hard on this one. But it’s good for both of us.

Be trustable. Not criticizing yourself — or others — is another brilliant spiritual practice.

How are you trustable for your kids? How do they know this? Are you ever unpredictable or arbitrary? Or do you stick to what you say? 

4. Trust in Your Romantic Relationship

One of the big reasons I married my husband was trust. At the time I felt he was the only person on the planet I could 100% trust (well, also he’s super cute and funny).

Since trust is such a great element in friendship, my husband and I have sustained a fabulous friendship over, um, about 33 years now, yikes. Overall, we’ve enjoyed buckets of trust in our relationship, and it runneth over into the family, too.

I couldn’t live any other way, because I chose not to. Trust was a huge requirement for me for a life partnership.

How about you? Is trust a requirement for you? 

5. Trust Yourself

Finally, I trust myself. Hey, I’m not perfect, but I am doing my best.

Ya, the spanking experiment didn’t work and was shelved after only a couple months. Yelling, well that has not been so good, but I trust them to forgive me…in the long run.

Face it, we all have made parenting mistakes.

I choose to trust it will all work out in the end. I choose to trust that my kids’ wonderfulness and the power of his or her higher, divine self will trump my faulty parenting by miles and miles.

And personally, I choose to trust that God loves me no matter what stupid thing I say or do today. He’ll be waiting for me in the end, when we can all have a good laugh then.

So I trust myself. I choose to accept my innate trustworthiness.

Do you trust yourself? Where have you been naturally trustworthy? What is one thing you can do to allow yourself to trust you? (If you are still stuck, ask someone who trusts you WHY they do.)

An Exercise in Trust

So what do you think of the trust thing? Is it relevant? Try this. Think back to your childhood. Did you feel trusted as a kid? What did that feel like to NOT be trusted? Journal a page about that without stopping (you can burn or shred it when you are done).

Not being trusted rotted, as I recall. When it happened, I felt demeaned, not respected, and babied. And as a teen, I haaaaaated that.

Oh look, emotions! That there is raw gunpowder for the rebellious teen years, isn’t it?

The trouble with out-of-control teens is that the more they go crazy, the less and less you feel you can trust them. What if you just drew the line one day and said, “You know what honey, I’m going to trust you to make the best decision about your activities this weekend. Let me know if you want any input or help.” (And then you have to really let it go.)

What might happen? (After they pick themselves up off the floor, lol.) Want to find out?

Personally, I believe anyone who is a Child of God is trustworthy. (That would be everyone.)

If that is true, the key question becomes how can I live up to my inherent Trustworthiness, and bless others by sharing it?

I trust you will come up with something.

(c) 2013 Daria Boissonnas All Rights Reserved. Please contact us for reprint permissions.

About 14 years ago, I enthusiastically started what may be an unusual spiritual practice, one that seems very simple yet has challenged me and fascinated me ever since. This practice also has brought tremendous relief and inner peace as it has helped me see the world as a nonduality or unified whole — a friendly place.

I stopped believing in causality.

Yep.

This is such an odd practice, it may be hard to imagine at first. It took quite a bit of effort to slide into at first, to catch myself thinking in terms of “what caused this” and “who is to blame?” But let’s take a look at this practice and its benefits.

What Does No-Causality Look Like?

How about a nice concrete example to ponder –

Suppose you fall and scrape your knee by tripping on a heaved sidewalk tile. Without causality, you did not fall because of the heaved sidewalk tile. Nor because you happened to be thinking about a recent painful fight you had with your best friend which distracted you so that you didn’t notice the heaved section. There is no because. All three things are one, like different facets on a cut diamond. They are all the same diamond, seen from different angles at different (sequential, as we experience them) points in time.

Consider the scraped knee, a place in the body that bends and flexes and supports forward movement. Now it is hurting.

Consider the fight with a friend, their inflexibility about something that triggered your inflexibility about their inflexibility and the angry words you tossed back and forth. Perhaps you are afraid the fight will end your friendship, which has been a great support to your changing directions in life.

Consider the sidewalk, which helps us move forward in a straight line, to go where we want to go more easily than treading on grass and stones. It is heaved, its even pace broken, as broken as you feel with this new rift in your friendship. You and your friend took different positions on the issue, like the two squares of sidewalk that no longer meet eye to eye. (See the common threads?)

Not believing in causality means that what we would usually separate as cause and effect are one. Both what we call the cause and the effect are expressions of some latent pool or system of energy and consciousness. In the stream of time as we experience it, we happen to see one (which we call cause) before the next (we call that effect). But, like telephone poles along the road, they are all actually there the whole time, we just experience them sequentially.

This is an easy world of 100% responsibility, and it makes for a very pleasant place to live. Of course people in this world care about the “consequences” of their actions, or, shall we say, the far-reaching aspects of the energy and consciousness that their actions were a small part of. They know they are connected to everything, a part of everything, belong to everything.

This world is a place of deep peace, a blameless stillness and ease which allows one to focus on positive reactions.

The Effects of No Cause and Effect

OK, that subhead was a pun. There is no effect of not believing in causality. The shift transcends the mindset of blame and you simply experience the world without this filter, as it is.

For me, over the years, what I have experienced while not believing in causality is that I tend look at the world increasingly as a metaphorical representation of energy and consciousness that we happen to perceive largely through our physical and mental perceptions. What happens becomes less important than what it means and what it tells me about my resistance and hangups and how I am not experiencing the world as a safe and loving place. It has also helped me become a crackerjack interpreter of dreams, daydreams, persistent mental images, hangups and more (so my clients enthusiastically say).

I believe this shift in consciousness has empowered my healing, in a sense by allowing me to step aside more easily to let more healing flow through me. And I simply love looking at the world in this way.

It was not an instant shift, but took place over many years of catching myself in old thinking habits of blame and causality, and then applying my new philosophy of no-causality to see the situation from that viewpoint. Eventually, my habits shifted and the world became a beautiful, harmonious place of oneness.

May it become so for you, too.

© 2013 Daria Boissonnas  All Rights Reserved

As you may know, last year I took a break from daily interactions with my business and went on an almost-sabbatical to rethink my book. One of the many gifts in stepping back was that when I returned to the daily details of running my business (only a few times a month), I could much more clearly feel and understand how I had gotten so burned out.

One insight smacked me over the head during a marathon attempt to whittle down my email backlog.

As you may do, I follow quite a few experts in my industry. I follow healing and meditation experts, wellness experts, speaking experts, spiritual experts, entrepreneurial experts, marketing communications experts, and more. And as I do myself, these experts often offer free seminars, free instructional videos, or free downloads to get you to take another look at them. We all know these marketing freebies are designed to test your interest in a class or coaching opportunity they are offering, but many of the freebies contain good information. (And others of course are rawther trite, inspiring facepalms the world over.)

There I sat, fresh from my calming sabbatical, attacking my emails. For those containing interesting freebies, I opened up the audio or video or free report in a new tab. Soon I had two dozen tabs open, and hours of videos and audios to listen to, as well as reports to read. (And this is after bypassing many.)

The difference this time was that I could clearly feel the emotions of the situation washed over me.  It was not pleasant.

The inner feeling went like this: *worry worry worry*  When am I going to GET to these articles and videos? I can skim an article but videos take a HUGE chunk of time. *stomach twisting into knots*  If someone is giving me advice, I must have a problem. Omg, looking at all these freebies, I have two dozen very serious problems. When am I going to solve these disasters?  *fluster fluster*

The reason I had opened them all and not listened to a single one became clear. (Don’t let me shock you.) I did not want to.

Ugh. Who would? I thought my business was peachy keen and doing fine until I saw in my email that I need to have a list of 5,000 people, and an extensive product funnel, and be making six figures, and and and…

No.

I went for a walk. Away from my email, I could still viscerally feel the tension writhing within me. Before I opened my email, I didn’t think my business had any problems. I know what I have to do next (rewrite the book) and after that (offer a class), and beyond that, I simply was not worried. Nothing felt broken.

In the past, I have unsubscribed to marketers who seemed annoying, sleazy, or overly persistent. It was nice to whittle the baddies out. This time, I went back to my computer and unsubscribed to everyone but a few clients and friends, for whom I created an email “rule” to drop their future emails into a folder (not my in-box).

If I do not look in that folder in the next month, they are getting unsubscribed, too.

Two Solutions

1. Rule It. If you are not ready to give these emails up, create an email rule where they all get dumped into a single folder, such as my favorite: “To Read When I Have Time.” This way, you will not see them and be burdened by their implication that you are not whole. If you find you are not seeking them out to discover what problem you have, well then, don’t.

2. Unsubscribe from them all. If you find yourself longing for one down the road, seek it out and resubscribe. I dare you.

The Question of Marketing

This experience made me think a great deal about the marketing messages I am sending out, too. Few of us have as many problems as we think we have, or as many as we, in our insecurity, worry that we have or allow others to CONVINCE us we have.

There is nothing wrong with you. If you are seeking support for growth, seek it when you need it. Start with inexpensive sources, like a google search or free books at the library. When you listen to your inner voice and feel who you are without opening your email first, you will find you do not need that information IV that comes through your email inbox.

Thank you, experts. I will look for you when I need you.

And not until.

© 2013 Daria Boissonnas  All Rights Reserved

My friend is putting together a class on clearing clutter, and this perennial struggle has been top of my mind.  Then this morning, my meditation gave me an unexpected insight into the piles and disorganization we call clutter.

As I sat in meditation enjoying an unusually deep peace and nothingness, I began to see myself sitting at my desk, as if my eyes were open.

Oh dear.

I’m still in the throes of removing the large desk (and emptying seven large drawers) in my office. Stacks of paper dot the office countertops as well as my massage therapy table.  Evicted empty drawers huddle in one corner.  The shredder has been throwing a week-long confetti party on the far side of the room.  And a few accretions of miscellaneous… I’ll be nice — stuff… are now seeping across my desk like a glacier field.

As I “saw” this (with eyes closed), I could vividly feel how stressed I used to get about clutter.

Clutter used to drive me nuts.  Whenever I needed to concentrate or start a new project that required thinking or creativity, I would instantly become super-distracted by things out of place in my environment.  (Coincidentally, I lived a fairly ordered but cluttered life, so there was lots to be distracted by.)  The piles around me would scream: “You don’t have time for THAT, you have to take care of THIS.”  And send me reeling into uncertainty.

Ugh.

But this morning, in that lovely meditative place, I felt my old reaction with compassion and love.  (Awww…)  Then the stressed feeling faded completely, and I was looking at my office clutter while once again feeling that kind of deep peace you can only experience far out in nature or in meditation.

Peace? Amidst clutter like this? But… yes. I could feel Peace in the desk, in the papers, in the… stuff. Peace. Stillness. The scene suspended itself, as if it was waiting for me.  And I got it: clutter is OK.  Clutter doesn’t matter.  Only what I thought and how I felt about clutter made it miserable.  Inside the clutter is stillness.  Inside me is stillness.  Inside each atom of clutter is Tao, Presence, or God.  Inside chaos is the deepest Peace.

And I can (and may) find that stillness, in the midst of any chaos.

I sat with that for a while, until I felt I could reach it again in a non-meditative state. Even now, hours later, I feel deeply peaceful.

Do I still want to create systems so clutter does not build up in my life?  Of course. But this I know: should clutter creep up on me, like when I’m moving furniture around or when I get too busy to file for a while, there will be stillness and holiness in the center of that clutter.

Today I activated this insight by plopping my laptop on top of the clutter and peacefully writing this out for you.

How can you find Peace and Stillness in your clutter?

© 2013 Daria Boissonnas

Happy Valentine’s Day! Whether you have a romantic partner or not, let’s ponder and honor all the things that are so lovable about you! (Get ready for a long article.)

Nah, scratch that.

The details don’t matter. Here’s the truth of it: You are simply loveable. You were born lovable. Every bit of you.

How do you feel about that?

If you are having a hard time buying this idea, consider this: The divine essence of you is not only lovable, it may be Love itself. Your essence is infinitely lovable. Divine Essence, Life Force, Grace, All-Encompassing Love, Presence, God, Tao: it flows through your veins and along your nerve and energy pathways.

Therefore, the rest of you is lovable too, as an expression of Divine Essence. Every bit of you.

Love is simply who you are, from the inside out.

True, perhaps, from time to time, you might fall into an old reaction, an old habit of thinking or behaving… and then you might not act so lovably. You may yell or worry or cut someone off in traffic. You might think or do something mean. You might fear, feel insecure, or get defensive.

But how you act and think is a mere derivative of the Essence of you. And, yes, sometimes fears and lower energies can get in the mix. But at your core, you are Lovable.

Nothing in your Divine Essence can truly be lost. It is all there, like an acorn holds all the information to become a tree, whatever happens to the acorn. You are complete. Completely lovable. In every moment, in every situation.

If you are lovable in your inner core, then you are lovable in every cell of your body, and in your energy field. Love flows through all you are and do.

Listen to that Love. Can you hear it?

How can you tune into the song of Love within you, every day, in every moment… and hear it so distinctly… that you absentmindedly begin humming the tune for others?

© 2013 Daria Boissonnas

Last weekend someone asked to come see me for some healing. They said, “How about Monday?”

I gulped.

Between clients and especially on weekends, the massage therapy table in my office can become like a kitchen counter — a magnet for stuff that’s “between locations.” This time, I knew, it was particularly full. The boxes and papers from my new computer were all over the table. I’m also planning to remove the large desk in my office and have started to build temporary piles while I sort through everything. (You know how things get messy before they get better?) Also also, I knew my dining room table (visible across from my office) happened to be piled high with art projects and kid stuff, and the living room was strewn with games (7, I counted later), and I never managed to dust in January and and and…

I shrank into myself as I felt how messy my house was — waaay too messy to have someone in my home office so soon! So I started to say, “No, how about Thursday?” to give myself a few days to tidy up. Maybe an hour a day or so…

But as the words formed on my tongue, the Universe went…

“Ahem.”

And I heard it. I was putting my ego and perfectionism before their healing. My somewhat messy house was more important than their getting healing right away on Monday? No.

Taking a deep breath, I said, “OK, great.” If I had to throw stuff in boxes and stash them in a closet for a few hours, I would open my doors Monday morning.

Turns out, I spent an hour tidying up the massage therapy table that morning and easily cleaned it off properly. I left the games in the living room; we do have four kids after all. I didn’t dust (and I didn’t apologize for not dusting, drawing their attention to it like I used to, lol). And after the appointment I even showed the client some of the kids’ art that was piled in the dining room.

All that cringing was not about my house, it was about me and my insecurities. About the “rule” that echoes from my childhood that you are not worthy in the eyes of God unless your house is spotless. (Cancel, clear!)

Thank goodness I have all I need in every moment. Thank goodness I have an office and spectacular healing skills to offer to someone in pain. Thank goodness I live by the principle “healing first.”

© 2013 Daria Boissonnas

A few months ago, I went looking for that quote from the Gospel of Thomas — the one that artists, writers, and healers love — the one that says something like: if you do not bring forth what is within you, it will just kiiiiiiiill you.

Oh yeah.

In the throes of our artistic angst, especially when not doing our art, our teaching, or our healing, we can identify with the feeling of slowly dying.

But when I finally located the quote, I discovered it was misquoted. Among the three main scholarly translations and several others I found, none translate logon #70 the way I have seen it on facebook and twitter.

Here is the misquote, directly from BrainyQuote.com (a website that any serious writer or facebook quoter avoids like the plague):

INACCURATE:
“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you.
If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”  (emphasis mine)

Instead, the real quote speaks of something deeper and even more profound. 

What do official translations say?

Part 1: What Saves You Is What You HAVE… If You Express It

ACCURATE (first half of quote):

Translated by Thomas O. Lambdin:
(70) Jesus said, “That which you have will save you if you bring it forth from yourselves.”

Translated by Stephen Patterson and Marvin Meyer:
70. Jesus said, “If you bring forth what is within you, what you have will save you.”

Translated by Stephen J. Patterson and James M. Robinson:
(70) Jesus says: (1) “If you bring it into being within you, (then) that which you have will save you.

Rendered by Pico Iyer (Source: The Gospel According to Thomas: With Complementary Texts, ed. Raghavan Iyer, Concord Grove Press, 1983, often miscredited online to a mysterious Nancy Johnson.)
70.) When you produce this within, what you have will save you.

The Coptic Ecumenical Project, translated into English and Spanish by Paterson Brown:
70. Yeshua says: When you bring forth that which is within yourselves, this that you have shall save you. (Again, my bolding for easy comparison to the misquote.)

Three Intentions for Awakening

What does this new understanding mean for those of us who produce creative or healing works?

1. Stop looking for what will save you “out there.” Know that you already have something wonderful inside you, something worth sharing, something can turn your life around, every time you need it to. You will not find it out there, although some of what you find out there may remind you of what you already have inside. Drop any jealousy of other people’s published works, too, because those are mere shadows of what counts. Wonderful though they may be, the works don’t matter. What YOU already have counts for a lot.

Translations #3 and 4 even seem to imply that all you have to do is develop this thing within you, to “bring it forth” within, perhaps by simply exploring it, listening to it, or acknowledging it. Turn inward.

2. Express your something wonderful. If you are a dancer, dance. If you are a writer, write. If you are a healer, heal. Do it behind closed doors and unpublished if you have to at first. Explore what is within you. It’s more important that you acknowledge what is in you and EXPRESS it, than you or your works be seen or approved of. It may be that our most sacred duty is simply expressing what is inside us, if only to ourselves and our loved ones.

Well, all right, we kind of knew that already, but let it soak in: It’s not what you have, but THAT you have something wonderful already. It’s not what you produce but THAT you produce it.

3. And, finally, stop counting jelly beans. It’s not the size of your, er, body of work that counts. Contrary to the misquote, what you’ve produced is not what saves you. The painter with the most canvases hanging in the Louvre does not win. The vast potential you don’t even know you have inside is what makes the difference… if you connect with it. If you seek it and “bring it into being.” So stop counting the other kids’ jelly beans while you focus on your own.

This teaching reminds me of Jesus’s admonition to pray in secret. There, alone, it’s what you do in your heart that counts — what you do when it’s just you and God looking, not what you show to others. This teaching also reminds me of the Tao Te Ching’s saying that, “Those who know don’t talk and those who talk don’t know.”

I had no idea this quote would turn out to be about a lot more than artistic angst. What counts, in my words, is your Inner Healer: your naturally healing gifts and your inner connection to them.

And you will be “saved” by awakening this within you.

Would you like a small challenge to activate this teaching? Take 10 seconds right now, and name ONE thing you can do immediately (or later today) to connect with the real you, inside you. (Whether that part of you looks like what you think other people want… or not.) How could you honor this hidden part of you? How could you begin to explore it more deeply?

One thing.

Let me know what you discover, in the comment section below.

ARTICLE PART 2: THE THING ABOUT THE THING THAT KILLS YOU… next time

© 2013 Daria Boissonnas

It is the job of poets, writers, artists, and healers to both uplift society in dark times and help them enjoy the good times.

As a former resident of New Jersey, the photos and news of hurricane Sandy has been personally shocking and devastating. As a writer/poet and healer who came to love New Jersey and its amazing people in my 13 years of living there, here is my small contribution:

Noble New Jersey

Oh noble New Jersey, your skirts are wet and torn,
Your people and trees uprooted, how ravaged your shores!
Although your lights fall dark in this dim week,
We, like your celebrated lighthouse peaks,
Remember and hold high your lighted heart, unmeek.

How can I—we—by that light help you along
Each step by tiny step, towards our brighter dawn?
Though creations of man may crumble and pass away,
Not hand nor storm nor the struggle of difficult days
Can mar the soul of our blessed New Jersey state.

–Daria Boissonnas

As a coach or mentor to healers, I often meet folks who are really weirded out by their own intuitive gifts. I get desperate emails from strangers asking what to do because they see double numbers on the clock all the time, or feel other people’s emotions, or know what people are about to say, or know what will happen later (and it does). Some see faces in windows or sense what they think are ghosts or spirits. They dream about things that come true.

Worse, they report feeling  frightened by these psychic happenings. They say their family has started to think they’re weird. They “freak out” their friends. And they have nobody to talk to about it.

If you feel the same way, here is what you can do.

1. Accept It with Gratitude

One, we all are naturally psychic, so the first thing is to accept this gift. Intuition is a perfectly normal part of who you are. Humans are not bags of chemicals and bones walking around on timers. We are energy beings, and only the slowest part of us is made of physical energy. Those other parts of your consciousness are connected to everything around you on nonphysical energy levels: to other people and their energies (including thoughts), to the timeline (forward and back), to residual energies people leave behind, etc.

Your energy body inputs a LOT of information that many humans typically ignore. If you are intuitive, you are simply allowing this information to float into your thinking mind. Wow, congratulations! That’s not easy to do.

Now stop whining and start refining. Yes, you are hearing your intuition more clearly, and that’s great. Feel the gratitude! You are connected with the Universe in a deeper way. Become a loving observer and see what your intuition has to say to you. Once, I heard my jacket say “take me with you” to walk to a restaurant on a warm sunny day. I thought it was silly, but did it because I was practicing listening to my intuition. Inside, the air conditioning made the place freezing, and having the jacket allowed me to enjoy lunch. Thank you, intuition.

2. Find Out: How Can This Information Be of Service?

Ask yourself this: how can you use this occasional (or frequent) additional information in your journey? I once had the (weirdest) strongest feeling I was driving to my death, so I postponed my nighttime winter trip to the light of early morning, and still almost wiped out on black ice at one point. I’m very glad I listened to myself.

Intuition can be used helpfully at home or at your job, in analytical tasks, raising your kids, grocery shopping, volunteering, making choices, advising friends, and in your own business to know which clients to accept and turn away, or how you can best help them.

Yes, sometimes you get random information that you just let go of. But ask yourself these questions to start using your intuition: If this were a gift, what would be its purpose? How can I tell the difference between thoughts and intuitive hits?

3. Connect with Kindred Spirits

Support yourself and your divine gift of intuition. Hang out with people who are also intuitive and believe in the importance of it.

Then look at who exactly is “freaking out” about your psychic abilities. Often, we project our own discomfort onto others, or they pick it up from us and send it back. If you were perfectly accepting about your intuition, as if this kind of thing happened every day and is normal, would they be? Or perhaps you need to shift who you hang out with… Sometimes, as we grow into who we really are, our friends change.

Your most important task on life’s spiritual journey is to know and accept yourself as you are. This is the only way you can fully discover your divine gifts and use them, which in my opinion is the whole point of this crazy game.  By hanging out with people who accept you, you can grow to fully accept yourself.

You are a swan. Stop playing with the ducklings and stretch your own beautiful, intuitive wings.

© 2012 Daria Boissonnas

Just went to the cabinet to get out some tea. When I opened it, one box jumped out at me and kerplunked on the counter. Kombucha. Detoxing tea.

(What do you think? Anything meaningful there?)

“It means I’m supposed to have that kind of tea!” exclaimed one corner of my mind.

Hmm. I have been feeling a little under the weather with a cold in the last two days. So I asked my body if it would benefit from hot tea right now (yes), and what kind would most benefit it.

Nope. Not that one. Thoughtful, I made the other kind of tea.

All the events around us have meaning, and the greatest meaning comes from tapping the truth within you. Our minds are busy things, but, as you may have learned over and over yourself, the mind is not always correct. It makes best guesses.

The heart knows. Your energy body knows. Your inner wisdom knows. Some part of you always knows the answer to questions about your best interests. Tap into that.

Fate may bring you in contact with a range of people, things, and experiences. Are you meant to engage them all? Not likely. But this I do know: You can learn from each connection.

Intuitively, it feels like I have two… somethings… to cleanse out of my life. A little more meditation, and I’ll soon figure them out. Thanks, tea!

© 2012 Daria Boissonnas

What struck you about my tea experience? Let me know in the comments, below.

~ Daria’s Wednesday Wisdom column ~

How do you begin your day? For most of my life, I jumped right into a task as soon as I walked in my office. I felt like I was getting more done that way! When that task was done, I zipped on to the next one. Then I took lots of little (or not so little) breaks because I was working so hard. (Well, it made sense at the time, lol!)

In dealing with my increasingly busy days now, however, I am reminded of a joke. It says that Ghandi meditated for one hour at the start of every day, without exception. Discussing a particularly demanding day that was coming up, he told his assistant that he would have to meditate for two hours to start that day.

When the joke is told properly (sorry), you expect Ghandi to skip his meditation to better jump into his busy day. The absolute last thing you would expect is to spend even MORE time meditating!

Yet meditation has been proven in studies to calm us, relax us, and improve our thinking and effectiveness. It also can benefit your physical health. If you can get more done in less time because of it, then you certainly have time for meditation.

Start today with just 5… no, how about streeeeeetching into 6, 8 or 10 minutes a day! All you have to do is sit comfortably and feel your body or watch your breath. As sounds, thoughts, and life’s craziness rise around you, notice it, name it (thinking about my meeting, noisy kids, big worry, ankle still hurts, truck in street…) and let it go. Breathe it out if you like.

Just for a few, blissful minutes. Close your door. Take the phone off the hook and enjoy having NO responsibilities for a few minutes. When does THAT ever get to happen?

The Secret about Meditating

Beginners are often relieved to hear that there is no way to answer, “What should meditation feel like when I get it?” It feels like you, sitting quietly, naming the craziness of life and over and over, returning to the calm center that IS inside you. The masters never get to a magical point where they “have it.” You probably aren’t doing it wrong. Meditation is a practice, like playing soccer or lifting weights. You just keep getting better and better at it.

The more you practice, the faster you return to calm after interruption. The more you meditate, the faster you can return to calm when you are not meditating, for instance when the baby is crying, your boss is phoning, the pasta is boiling over, and the doorbell rings.

How can you commit to living an easier life, right now, by starting your day with a few minutes of meditation? Put it in your calendar. Do this at home before you go to work, on the train or bus in the morning, or first thing when you get into your home office.

Try it out for just 10 days and let me know how it goes, and whether you have any questions. (Hint: Which days are more productive for you, the ones that start with meditation, or the days you forget or “don’t have time”? Yeah, me too.)

(c) 2012 Daria Boissonnas

My yoga teacher, Sofia Diaz, recently described the difference between intensity and pain in our daily practice. She said intensity was like a low hum in the body, stretching us to our limits and asking us to let go into something greater than ourselves. Pain is sharp and sudden and an obvious indication we should stop what we are doing. Many of us mistake intensity for pain. We pull back when we should drop further in.

A heart ache is an opportunity to ride intensity, to drop in, to open still further. Our hearts ache when the radiance and potency of the heart meet something other than unbounded love. Our hearts ache because the intensity of our love is met with something we perceive as other than that love. It is in the moment that the heart’s fierce gift meets obstruction that our greatest thresholds can be crossed.

How many of us give up on love because it’s embarrassing or raw or too revealing? How many of us pull back from an another’s eyes afraid to stay too long or afraid what another will think or how we ourselves will react? How many of us make our love ‘nice’ instead or letting it flow like the wild and powerful river it is?

We welcome the sign of Pisces today at 10:18 pm pacific time. This is the final sign of the zodiac. It is a sign of culmination and synthesis. It wraps up the zodiacal year and asks us to leave behind what we do not wish to carry into the next cycle. In many ways, it is a month of surrender — a surrender into a greater love.

Let us remember that the heart can ache as it witnesses exquisite beauty. It can ache as it registers a remarkable act of love or compassion. It can ache because it wants to learn to love ever more. And the month of Pisces is a month to learn to love bigger, deeper, wider, with less boundary, with less reserve. It’s a month to stand open and willing to be touched. It’s a month to choose intimacy rather than escape. And remember– intimacy can be felt as you order your coffee in the morning or as you thank someone for packing your groceries. It’s a choice about how you connect moment to moment.

This month, take the phrase “the eyes are a window to the soul” as a real and tangible truth — and meet the gaze of many. Look deeper. Love more. Let go of all (at least some?) of the emotional baggage or accounts you’ve been carrying. Put them down. Walk lighter. Uplift those you meet. Redeem what you can. Stand in a rain of grace and invite others in.

Heidi Rose Robbins grew up learning the zodiac with her alphabet. As a practicing astrologer for over 15 years, Heidi takes a practical, sensitive, and inspiring approach to astrology. It is Heidi’s passion and commitment to speak to the depth of who we are and to help us grow into the next outrageous blossoming of our true selves. Her thriving worldwide practice includes transformative retreats for women twice a year in Ojai, California. GIA is pleased to offer Heidi as a regular guest columnist.

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A Poem for Pisces

Love Is Not Fragile, by Samantha Reynolds (bentlily.com)

Who taught you
to be sparing
with your love
as though your heart was a bank
as though love could dry up
nonsense
it is as if the ocean complained
it was too
wet
love is not fragile
it is as common as breath
it is play money
it is a race
to give more
go first
say it with impunity
you think you will ache
with vulnerability
but the strangest thing will happen
you will nearly drown
with peace.

On Friday I attended a writer’s retreat and I am still floating. Because I am a writer. It’s my life purpose, the way I fulfill my divine contract. When I returned, I was quite surprised to find the pain from a recent horrible relationship blowup had all but disappeared. This was a situation where for two weeks I was so preoccupied that I kept forgetting things and taking wrong turns while driving.

It reminded me how powerfully healing it is to do what you were born to do, to step into your divine purpose, even just for a few hours.

Many artists, healers, and creatives spend a great deal of time and money fixing their problems. While this process has merit, we also can get WAY too distracted by it! I have seen great healers obsessed with pathology instead of asking how to move beyond it. I have seen them with their backs to the future, toiling over clearing their past, like Sisyphus rolling the rock to the top of the hill only to have it roll down again, or worse, like Prometheus getting his liver eaten out every morning.

You can spend a lifetime clearing the ants from an anthill by stepping on them as they emerge. Or YOU can help yourself step beyond the anthill.

Your choice.

When you are in your purpose, time disappears, your heart sings, and you create so much nurturing and healing energy that you can help clear a LOT of those problems you thought you had. Imagine what it would be like to make your living expressing your creativity! Let the fantasy roll. Think up your next project.

Healing comes from connections that nurture, and the most powerful kinds include connecting to your divine purpose, your natural gifts, your creativity, and who you really are when you are in that groove.

Over and over, my highly gifted creative clients are unhappy and stuck because they are not devoting enough time to doing their creative thing. (The second most common absence is not getting out in nature enough–another source of powerful healing!) It’s time to give yourself permission to be happy and to heal.

Stop peeling the onion. Put it down and be done with it. Go do your creative thang.

When I write, my cup runneth over. So may it be for you.

© 2012 Daria Boissonnas

When you have a fight or other painful event in a relationship, how do you get back on track?

Many folks would say forgiveness.

I agree — that is a great place to start! However, I’m going to step out on a limb here so you can give your forgiveness practice more power. Forgiveness is not, as many believe, the entire healing process. It is the first step.

But it is an extremely important first step that allows the rest of healing to happen.

This came up for me recently, a little too close to home, when someone I love took dramatic offense and hurt at something I said with all good intentions. They were done with me; I was devastated. Several days later, a friend brilliantly and lovingly asked me, “What else do you need from this situation in order to heal?”

Great question! You can’t go anywhere if you don’t know where you want to go! It’s so easy to get stuck in the emotions of a crisis without looking for the healing solution.

I went within. I… I wanted to be forgiven. Even though I had technically done nothing wrong, they were genuinely hurting. I wanted this person to say, “That’s OK dear, I understand, things like this happen sometimes, I’ll get over it, I forgive you.”

The Power of Forgiveness Is Disconnection

When we are stressed by a negative event, our energy and consciousness freezes. It locks us into the event(s), which is now in the past. Even today, many of us are locked to painful events from earlier in your life. (Some vividly, as if it happened yesterday. Is there anything left from your upbringing that can rile you up upon thinking of it?)

When you maintain connections to the past, you must power those connections with your energy and consciousness. They are distractions and energy drains. You struggle where there could be ease. You feel adrift, confused, or vaguely dissatisfied with life when you tend these old wounds. It is as if you are carrying them around in a massive backpack, bending under their weight.

This I know: the heart of healing is connection. It is connection to that which sustains and nourishes, and disconnection from that which drains and demoralizes.

Forgiveness is a letting go, a healthy disconnection of your energy and consciousness from the painful experience. It is a release of blame and the need to receive anything back. Forgiveness turns you around, from being stuck in the past, attached to what happened, to facing forward again, being present in today, and moving forward into healing.

Sometimes, it’s easy to get over an offense. Hey, things happen and we can move on. But in situations where stress, outrage, shock, hurt, and other emotions have firmly attached us to that original fight or event, forgiveness is golden. It initiates the healing process.

But What If They Won’t Forgive You?

What do you do when you are the transgressor — intentional and repenting, or unintentional — and the person you hurt will not forgive you? What do you when the other person is refusing to reconcile?

You heal. You step beyond this situation, by disconnecting yourself. And the #1 rule about healing is this: you have all the resources you need at all times.

The way energy works, the only way you can experience or perceive someone not forgiving you is if, in some way, you have not fully forgiven yourself. This you must do. As soon and as much as you can.

Surprisingly, and wonderfully, when you forgive yourself — when you disconnect from that event and the pain around it — you make it much easier for the person you hurt to do so, too.

Now THAT is healing. (You healer, you!)

You are not dependent on other things or people for your happiness and spiritual journey. Any thought that says otherwise is Resistance. You can find everything in the world within you, including forgiveness.

I know this spiritual principle, but I’m human and I had gotten caught up in my emotions and forgotten. When I remembered that no forgiveness on the outside means no forgiveness on the inside, I knew it was 100% right. I was devastated and shocked, and had not forgiven myself in the uproar.

Forgive Yourself and Free Yourself to Heal

After a nice meditation of self-forgiveness (“I choose to forgive myself, I choose to let this go, I hand this situation over to God for resolution, I choose to forgive them for not forgiving me,” etc etc), I felt less upset. You may choose to take a physical action of forgiveness, too, like a donation to a relevant charity or sharing your newfound wisdom with someone.

I will repeat this meditation a few times. Connections of energy and consciousness are a bit insidious. Once built, they tend to resonate with similar connections and entwine themselves where they don’t  belong. To truly forgive and fully let go, it helps to repeat your forgiveness exercises and touch on the situation from a variety of angles. You might want to get help from a healer or counselor.

Once you have forgiven yourself, you will be able to freely look at the situation and see what you reacted emotionally to and do some healing (eliminating or rewriting patterns) around those issues. Sometimes this stage is so easy, once we let go/forgive, that we assume forgiveness was all that was necessary. Hallelujah!

When I am done with my self-forgiveness, I will no longer need forgiveness from the other person. I have not abandoned them or the situation, but I will have completely let go of the source of the painful rift between us. It will be water under the bridge. And I will rest in that wonderful place of genuine spiritual independence, where others truly have no power over my happiness.

I pray for them to find this inner release, too.

© 2012 Daria Boissonnas

Have you struggled to forgive yourself? Do you have advice or a different perspective? Please share it in the comments below!

Is there some area of your life where you know you need to make a change, but you just… haven’t… done it yet?

Maybe you’ve been intending to lose that extra 10 pounds, start a newsletter for your business, finish your book, or do that scrapbook.

I bet you give yourself grief for not taking those steps. (You do, don’t you?) You might feel bad, criticize yourself (even in front of others), punish yourself subtly, or worse.

Stop it.

Right now.

Your intentions to change are actually great news, even without the action step! Congratulations, you!

Here is why. When we make change, we generally move through three phases. Wanting to change while not taking action is the second step. And any progress beyond the first phase should be applauded!

The three phases of change look like this:

Beginning Phase: Nothing is wrong with me. I don’t need to change. What are you staring at?

Middle Phase: Uh oh, I noticed something I would like to change in my life. Ugh. Wow. How long has this been here? Why didn’t someone tell me? Oh, you did? Ack, just how pervasive is it? Oh, wow. Let me soak this in and get used to the idea. Let me look at it from all angles. I really want to change this, but I’m not sure what I want instead.

Final Phase: I am ready to do something about this issue. In fact I am doing something! I am really excited to start a program this afternoon. I already have done the first three exercises in the workbook. I looked at a lot of options, and I do believe this is the one for me. I am committed to this change, and have created a reward system for myself. I am doing this for me, and will enjoy the outcome.

Tips for Surviving the Middle Phase of Change

Yes, it’s GREAT to want to change, even if you are not yet ready to do so. Here are five ways to make it easier to survive–and graduate from this phase.

1. Celebrate. If you know you want to make a change, but you aren’t doing anything, you are in the middle phase. It’s OK, in fact, it’s great! Congratulations! You made it out of being stuck! Pat yourself on the back. Celebrate your moving forward! And let go of all that guilt. Just because you had the idea does not mean you are ready to live it… yet.

2. Get Clarity. Discover exactly what you DO want to change. Often, it’s not what you think at first, when you first move into the Middle Phase. This phase is about clarification. You see what you want to fix or eliminate, but what do you want to replace it with?

Sometimes, your original goal (eg. lose 20 pounds) is just a hint at what you really want, and your real goal (love myself enough to find a romantic partner) is something different. Dig deep. Go on retreats, consult with proven intuitives, ponder and dig around until you identify the real dream at the core of your desire to change. Keep moving forward.

3. Look At Your Options. Look around for solutions, but don’t buy anything yet. Especially don’t buy something just because it came along–it might have come along as a form of resistance, not a godsend solution. Take a good look at its merits and costs. Try programs out first–almost everyone gives away a free recording or exercise or something to try. Are you ready to stick to a schedule and do the work?

4. Give Yourself Time. Right now, you are analyzing the situation–and it’s never as cut-and-dried as it seems. You need some time. Allow yourself to have it.

If you get antsy, set a date to decide what you will do about your desire to change. If you don’t have the information or if you are not fully connected to creating a solution, set another date and some things to do or learn before that date.

5. Get Help If You Get Stuck. Yes, it is possible to get stuck in the Middle Phase, stuck in your resistance and fears and doubts, not moving forward when you want to. Get help, bounce your fears off others, and while you are exploring your resistance, be kind to yourself.

We do not punish second graders for not knowing high school math. Second grade is a phase, a stepping stone. Enjoy it. What right do you have to be mean to any of God’s children, yourself included?

When you let go of the guilt, self-criticism, angst, and self-sabotage you are raining down upon yourself, you open up a lot of energy to constructive uses, including healing. You can progress more quickly through the Middle Phase of Change and reach your end goal. Then you can celebrate once again!

© 2012 Daria Boissonnas

Have you ever thought of change this way before? Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below!

Friends! The Sun moves into Aquarius today at 8:10 am pacific time. We leave the silence of Capricorn to rally our passionate troupes. Here’s the big question: Who do you want to be playing with this year? With whom do you feel most alive? Who inspires you, lifts you, awakens you? This month is the time to summon your allies.

Aquarius is the sign of the water bearer. Its phrase is “Water of life am I, poured forth for thirsty men.” Aquarius as the world server wants to pour forth its gift for all in need. But Aquarius is particularly interested in offering up this water of life with his true peers. This is the sign of group collaboration and nothing thrills an Aquarian more than the opportunity to build something together.

Cautionary note: It is easy to feel like the lone wolf in Aquarius as well. When we try to collaborate, all kinds of wretchedness can surface.

We might feel that there is no one that gets us, no one that sees as we do, no one as passionate about what we are passionate about. The moment we give into these inner monologues, we have begun to radically limit ourselves. We must dare to sound our most unique LEO note consistently, summoning those of like mind and heart. The response may begin with just one steadfast ally, but if our LEO song is true and generous and powerful and meant to “pour forth for thirsty men” then be patient and sing. Before you know it, you will have a whole “da-who-doray-Grinch-Who-Stole-Christmas” chorus of allies singing your song.

Carolyn Casey, one of my favorite astrological allies, suggests we speak this out into the world:

“Let the winds of change blow through my life, bringing the most radically enlivening thing that could possibly happen. I am hoisting my sails. Parasail me into the place where I can connect with my allies, and together we can do the most good.”

Here, she is writing about Uranus, one of the rulers of Aquarius. She speaks not only to the willingness to dance with change but to actually strongly invite change into our lives so that it can do its work without our resistance. Bring on the change! Bring on the allies!

And remember, Allies aren’t always our best friends. They may be someone like Carolyn Casey who whispers to me through her excellent writing and inspires me to forge ahead on my journey. And remember too the words of David Whyte as you begin to sound your call:

….anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive
is too small for you.

Aquarius is the final air sign and wants to distribute, circulate and gather. Stay open. Be curious. Talk to people. Join forces. Do it differently. Gather for salons and share your creative genius with your pals. SHARE. Come down from your mountain top and offer it up. Experiment. Improvise.

Be the lightening rod for your bolt out of the blue. Then speak that inspiration, share it, dance it, engage it, sing it. Take a breath and in that silent moment between inhale and exhale, listen for the sweet sound of your approaching allies.

Heidi Rose Robbins grew up learning the zodiac with her alphabet. As a practicing astrologer for over 15 years, Heidi takes a practical, sensitive, and inspiring approach to astrology. It is Heidi’s passion and commitment to speak to the depth of who we are and to help us grow into the next outrageous blossoming of our true selves. Her thriving worldwide practice includes transformative retreats for women twice a year in Ojai, California. GIA is pleased to offer Heidi as a regular guest columnist.

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A Poem for Aquarius

Everything is Waiting for You – David Whyte

Your great mistake is to act the drama
as if you were alone. As if life
were a progressive and cunning crime
with no witness to the tiny hidden
transgressions. To feel abandoned is to deny
the intimacy of your surroundings. Surely,
even you, at times, have felt the grand array;
the swelling presence, and the chorus, crowding
out your solo voice. You must note
the way the soap dish enables you,
or the window latch grants you freedom.
Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.
The stairs are your mentor of things
to come, the doors have always been there
to frighten you and invite you,
and the tiny speaker in the phone
is your dream-ladder to divinity.

Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into
the conversation. The kettle is singing
even as it pours you a drink, the cooking pots
have left their arrogant aloofness and
seen the good in you at last. All the birds
and creatures of the world are unutterably
themselves. Everything is waiting for you.

Just who was it that said, “insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result”?

According to wikiquote, this quip is most often misattributed to:

• Benjamin Franklin (perhaps because he was insane for flying a metallicized kite in a lightning storm),

• Albert Einstein (because the internet believes Al was a Law of Attraction guru who said everything that’s cool), and

• Mark Twain (maybe because he had the same hairdresser as Einstein and we get the men mixed up).

But no, sorry, none of those wise men said it.

Don’t Seek and You Won’t Find

Seriously, according to wikiquote, the earliest occurrence of this quote is a 1981 Narcotics Anonymous booklet, and might have come from Alcoholics Anonymous. Next, it can be found in the writing of Rita Mae Brown, but to be polite we will not ask her where she got it.

This quote works when we are in denial or stuck in a negative loop, doing the same thing over and over, wishing our problem would magically go away. In this case, it is time for new tactics.

We could rewrite the quote in a catchy new phrase: “When your steps go round and round, another option must be found.”

Or make a great T-shirt out of: “Wishing is for fairy godmothers. Move your a$$.

A New Meaning

But hang on. Is it in fact nuts to keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result?

Maybe not. Not always, anyway.

In fact, I find we often need more of this kind of persistence-against-all-odds in our lives. Instead sapping our mental health, doing the same thing over and over while hoping for a new result can be an expression of our highest goals: healing, trust, and faith.

To attain healing, for example, you must think beyond the current situation and the results you expect to get. You must leap beyond them and expect, even if you don’t know what it looks like, a very different result — something new.

We celebrate the fact that Mark Twain, after receiving tons of rejections, sent out even more letters trying to publish his writing, expecting a different result from those same tactics.  Today, over 100 years after his death, his books are still required reading in high schools and sell like ice cream on a hot summer’s day.

Hooray for Einstein persisting in sharing his inside-out ideas until others could see  the world through his eyes and physics could evolve forward into a radical new paradigm that gave birth to quantum physics.

Thank goodness Annie Sullivan kept trying, over and over, against all odds and expectations, to help the deaf and blind child Helen Keller to understand sign language! By doing so, she helped enable Helen Keller to become a beloved writer and lecturer, winner of the Presidential Medal of Freedom, member of the National Women’s Hall of Fame, and the face on Alabama’s 2003 quarter coin.

Make the Leap, Step by Step

What kept them going? Hope? An inner knowing? Love? Inspiration?

Something did, something that helped them transcend all those rejections and failures, and shift into a new and better unexpected outcome. Add this magic into the mix and you no longer have insanity. You have faith, transcendence, and healing.

How about you? What new goal are you currently stretching for, or would like to reach? Do you need encouragement to keep going, to send out a few letters, or try one more time, even if your dream results feel impossibly far away?

Find the faith or a spiritual principle to hang it on. Identify a motive, a higher ideal, a reason why, source of curiosity, a reminder quote, or other fount of inspiration.

For me, I just reread Helen Keller’s story again. Wow. That helped me immensely. Where can you find your magic fairy dust to help you fly over the rainbow?

Yes, as you reach for your goal, it may be wise to learn and refine how you write those letters/teach your pupil/share your vision. But the advice is the same:

To create miracles, connect to the Potential within your dream (not the specifics) and take ordinary actions, over and over, while solidly and unfailingly expecting a surprising result, even a miraculous one.

This is what creates healing.

© 2012 Daria Boissonnas

What has helped you to transcend rejections or overcome old expectations? Share your story and wisdom with us in the comments!

I’ve been searching hard for a good quote about being a strong role model for others. It’s an important role to play. Role models shine their light brightly to help those behind them find their way. They uplift and inspire.

As healers, we need to be great role models for our clients and fans. We must walk in the shoes of our divine Inner Healer. We must care for and support ourselves so we can create as much healing as possible in the world.

That means if you recommend nutritional support, you should take it yourself. If you offer an energy healing technique, you should receive that method of healing from other practitioners yourself. If you are a lawyer, you should have your own legal ducks in a row.

The odd thing is that I discovered many of the celebrities and thinkers we admire do not want to be called role models. Keeping in mind that these are unconfirmed quotes from those junky online quote sites, here is the sort of thing I’m finding. (Do not quote these without confirming their source, just get the gist and be amazed:)

“Making me into a role model is placing too much importance on what I see as a work in progress.” –British musician P. J. Harvey

“I’m no role model.” –American athlete Charles Barkley

“In the right situations, I can try to help and be a role model, but I’m still gonna speak my mind, and if that affects the role-model deal, then too bad.” –American musician Toby Keith

I get their point. They are not perfect and do not want to be held up as such.

But who is perfect?

We seem to have a mistaken idea that role models have to be perfect. I tell clients all the time that I share their struggles, flaws, and regular dips into the dark night of the soul. What I have developed over the years, however, are strategies for catching myself earlier and pulling myself out faster and faster. I’ve also developed practices and mindsets to keep myself from falling down as often or as hard. That is the value of the role model.

What we really admire in our role models is this: they are not perfect, but in some aspect they have developed ways of being that we wish to develop, too. Practical tools, tips, and tricks like this are what we want from our coaches and mentors and role models. Ultimately, and ideal role model knows their flaws and loves themself anyway. They be themselves, their brilliant, fun salves. That creates charisma. That’s what we crave in role models: permission to be ourselves.

If you are a leading person in your field, be comfortable with the fact that you are a role model. Own it. And live it. Be yourself. Do what you admire in others. Look up to yourself. People won’t be able to get enough of you.

If you would like to inspire others, we are here help you walk your path. Our membership program offers the spiritual development and practical action steps to get you where you want to go, faster and easier. Click here for more information.

“I don’t want to be perfect, but I do want to be a role model. My mom always tells me that imperfections equal beauty. All of us are imperfect.”  –American musician Miley Cyrus

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”  –American author Mark Twain

© 2012 Daria Boissonnas

The holidays are in full swing and the thrill of the brand new year is upon us. Here are a few tasks for this week or next to get you in a great position for next year, clear and ready for your best year yet.

Out with the Old

1. File Your Finished Work. Congratulations! Yahoo, you published author, you! Now put those files where you can find them, right now, before they clutter up 2012. Do this in your office with paper files, and on your computer. Create a “2011 Sold Work” folder, and drop your project folders in there. This folder can be filed within your active writing folder, so you will always know where to find previous work.

2. Cull Your Unfinished Writing. Which ones will you let go of? Which projects have you already moved way beyond, with no reason to finish? I love this process! Invariably I find a poem I started or an article idea that I threw into a file and forgot about. You can hang onto the viable ones, and set them up to be finished next year. (See part II of this article for “In with the New”.)

As a writer, I rarely delete writing (you never know), so tuck away the projects you will not pursue  in either your deep-six folder or your future projects (but not right now) folder.

Then mentally and emotionally, let go of them. Create a ceremony if you like. For example, you may want to print an article you are killing, or the outline for a book that’s going bye-bey (double sided, 4 sheets to a page) and symbolically burn them in your fireplace, returning their energy to the Pool of All Possibility.

3. Tidy Up Your Accounting. Make sure you were paid for these projects, resending overdue invoices and giving their recipients a call. Put your invoices and receipts in order for accounting. When my business was small with few expenses, I taped receipts onto paper in a three-ring binder with 12 monthly tabs. Yellow paper held was cash receipts. The bank statements held bank receipts. Blue paper was for travel trips, etc.

Ready for 2012

When you are done with these steps, all your desktops should look beautifully clean. Enjoy getting ready for 2012. Here’s to you and a fabulous one-two. *toast*  ;)

Do you have any other year-end steps you take to prepare for a new year? Share them with us in the comments, below!